Exclusive Reading: J.C. Reedburg's "No Tears For Black Girls: Prison Pimp'd"

1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,600
No tears for black girls when
they disappear.

2
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:11,040
No tears for black girls like
they were never here.

3
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,600
But we remember.
We'll speak their names.

4
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,680
Welcome back to No Tears for
Black Girls.

5
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:25,240
This is Samantha Paul.
Today we have a special treat

6
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,560
for you, an exclusive chapter
reading from the latest

7
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:32,479
installment in our No Tears for
Black Girls series on Amazon

8
00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,720
Kindle.
The book No Tears for Black

9
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:40,440
Girls Prison Pimped, written by
our show's creator JC Reedberg,

10
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,800
is available now for free
download.

11
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:47,400
After today, it will only be
free for Amazon Kindle users.

12
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:52,080
Like all our books, this story
draws from real life cases we've

13
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:56,240
covered on this podcast, though
we've altered names, timelines,

14
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,880
and locations to protect
everyone's privacy.

15
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,840
Our story unfolds in Gwinnett
County, Georgia, just 30 miles

16
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,920
from Atlanta, within the stark
concrete walls of Phillips State

17
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,040
Correctional Facility.
Survival isn't about brute

18
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:16,280
strength, but cunning strategy.
Diwan Rivers, a character first

19
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:20,880
introduced in Book 1 The Price
of Silence, a No Tears for Black

20
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,600
Girls story, is a master
manipulator who has transformed

21
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,600
his cramped 6 by 8 cell into the
nerve center of a criminal

22
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,600
empire that extends far beyond
the prison gates.

23
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,080
Armed with nothing more than
persuasive letters, contraband

24
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,360
cigarettes and a keen
understanding of psychological

25
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:43,640
warfare, Diwan has woven a
complex web of desperate women

26
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,960
on the outside.
Each believes she is the only

27
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:51,320
one who truly understands him,
the only one he confides in.

28
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:56,480
Sandra dutifully sends money
orders, Keisha wires cash

29
00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:00,680
without question, Patricia risks
it all to smuggle in phones, and

30
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,680
Valerie pleads for his help in
finding her lost child.

31
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,800
They all believe they have a
special connection with him, but

32
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,320
the truth is they don't even
know of each other's existence.

33
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,080
It's a delicate House of Cards,
and when the women start asking

34
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,880
too many questions and the
guards grow increasingly

35
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:23,240
suspicious, D Juan's carefully
constructed world begins to

36
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,840
teeter on the brink of collapse.
In a place where every

37
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,000
interaction is a calculated
transaction and trust can be a

38
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,640
fatal mistake, a single misstep
could bring everything he's

39
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:38,680
built crashing down around him.
No tears for black girls.

40
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:45,560
Prison Pimped by JC Reedberg
Chapter 1 The Monster's Appetite

41
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,840
The cell isn't big enough for
two men to stand upright at

42
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,200
once, but D Juan Rivers has
never needed much room to run a

43
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,960
business.
He's converted 12 B into a

44
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,920
miniature post office, Stock
Exchange, and complaint

45
00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:01,280
department, all within arm's
reach of the scarred steel desk

46
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,000
that double S as his command
center.

47
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:08,600
On the left, neat towers of
ramen bricks, tuna cans, peanut

48
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,480
butter cups and single serving
hot sauces.

49
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,480
On the right, two battered
spiral notebooks filled with

50
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,000
crabbed handwriting, dog eared
at strategic points.

51
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,080
Dead center, spread with the
reverence of a blackjack dealer,

52
00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:28,560
are piles of wrinkled cash,
fives and 10s on top, 20s and up

53
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:32,240
underneath, pressed flat between
sheets of toilet tissue to keep

54
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:36,160
the count clean.
Little Mike hovers at the door,

55
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,080
his back to the bars, head cock
to catch every change in the

56
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,040
corridor.
He taps a rhythm on the cold

57
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,480
metal with a single black
painted fingernail.

58
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,320
On the second pass of the guard,
Mike murmurs. 5 minutes.

59
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,680
D Juan doesn't answer, just
keeps counting bills.

60
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:58,320
When he hits 200, he stops,
peels A20 and makes a note in

61
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,440
the notebook.
The code is unbreakable unless

62
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,560
you know the river system.
Columns for inmate numbers,

63
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:09,440
checkmarks for debts paid, XS
for favors owed, stars for

64
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:14,120
outside contacts.
Next to some names, A small :)

65
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:19,360
drawn with ruthless precision.
He closes the Ledger, stands and

66
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,959
turns the mattress with a single
practiced flip.

67
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:26,520
A zipper, invisible to the
untrained eye, runs the length

68
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,560
of the foam.
Inside a vacuum sealed pouch of

69
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,600
cigarettes, a slim phone in a
condom, and a roll of quarters

70
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,360
wrapped in black electrical
tape.

71
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,200
He tucks the new cache behind
the cigarettes, zips the

72
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:44,280
mattress and makes the bed.
His hands never shake.

73
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:49,720
The toilet tank is next.
He pops the lid, removes a heavy

74
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:53,680
plastic false bag and deposits a
sandwich bag of white powder,

75
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,760
followed by a flattened packet
of prescription pills.

76
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:02,120
He wipes the rim, replaces the
fake panel, flushes twice to

77
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,240
settle the water.
Little Mike watches every

78
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,880
movement, eyes flat and
unreadable.

79
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,360
Someone's coming.
Light, quick footsteps, too

80
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,600
careful to be a guard.
D Juan glances at Mike, who nods

81
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:20,480
once and steps aside.
The runner is a Bony kid with

82
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,560
eczema scars up both forearms.
He keeps his hands deep in the

83
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,040
pockets of his orange pants and
doesn't look directly at D Juan.

84
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,360
Instead, he stares at the
ceiling, breathing hard through

85
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,200
his nose.
D Juan holds up a palm.

86
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,040
Stop.
The kid freezes.

87
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,280
Who sent you?
D Juan asks.

88
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,200
Floyd.
The kid says, voice tight.

89
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,840
You got a name or just a face
hawk?

90
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,920
D Juan waits.
When the kid doesn't elaborate,

91
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,360
he nods.
You know what you're here for?

92
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,320
Hawk's gaze drifts to the
commissary pile.

93
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,600
He swallows.
He said a drop.

94
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,040
D Juan nods to Mike, who pulls a
plastic wrapped package from the

95
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:13,080
mattress seam and hands it over.
It's heavier than it looks, and

96
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,200
the kids hand trembles when he
takes it.

97
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,440
You leave it at the southwest
fence, Dewan says, enunciating

98
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,240
every syllable.
There's a drainage gap behind

99
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:27,760
the last yard tower, 215 sharp.
Don't get cute.

100
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:33,120
Hawk nods, then turns to go.
Wait, Dewan says.

101
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:35,680
You see anyone new in the yard
this morning?

102
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,720
The kid shakes his head too
fast.

103
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:45,240
Just the usual good D Juan makes
a note in the Ledger, then waves

104
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,000
Hawk out.
Little Mike slides the door

105
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:53,680
shut, double checks the latch.
He'll drop it, but if it's not

106
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,560
there by 2:15 D Juan shrugs,
unconcerned.

107
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,280
If it's not, Floyd gets nothing
next week.

108
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,360
He knows that.
Mike watches him, a flicker of

109
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,600
admiration behind the deadpan.
You really trust these kids?

110
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,920
I trust the system, D.
Juan says.

111
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,680
He opens the Ledger, flips to
the Backpage, and makes a series

112
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,760
of marks.
People are predictable when you

113
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:26,160
keep the incentives lined up.
Mike paces, restless.

114
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,560
What about the new CEO, the one
with the beard?

115
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,480
He's a watcher, not a buyer.
Harmless, unless you're an

116
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,440
idiot.
D Juan says it like he's already

117
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,400
factored this variable,
discounted it to zero.

118
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,360
He sits, slides the notebook
under the mattress, and lets the

119
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:49,240
silence fill the cell.
The air is thick with old sweat

120
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,840
and ramen spice, but he doesn't
seem to notice.

121
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,280
Next he says, voice carrying
down the corridor.

122
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:01,320
Within a minute, a new runner
shows a white kid with a

123
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,400
homemade tattoo of a dollar sign
on the back of his hand.

124
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:09,120
He doesn't speak, just hands
over a folded paper and waits.

125
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:14,080
Deewan unfolds it, reads the
message, and smiles.

126
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,680
He pulls 2 packets of instant
coffee from the stash, tosses

127
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,280
them to the kid, and scribbles
something on the paper before

128
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:24,640
folding it back.
The kid vanishes as fast as he

129
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,720
arrived.
Little Mike grins, leaning in.

130
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,400
You really running all this by
yourself?

131
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,400
D Juan looks up, gold teeth
flashing.

132
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,640
You think I'm alone?
He flicks a finger toward the

133
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,799
barred window, where a pair of
inmates on the yard stands,

134
00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:44,360
smoking and pretending not to
watch the tower.

135
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,240
D Juan's subtle hand signal.
A single slow wave sends them

136
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,480
moving, splitting in opposite
directions along the fence.

137
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,680
You put the pieces in the right
place.

138
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,440
Deewan says.
The board handles itself.

139
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,720
Mike shakes his head, half in
awe, half in fear.

140
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:07,640
What if they catch you?
Deewan's smile never fades.

141
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,480
If they catch me, I'll be in
better company than I am now.

142
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,560
He stands, stretches, and
surveys the cell like a man

143
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,800
assessing an empire.
He cracks his knuckles,

144
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:25,440
savouring the sound.
Time for count, he says, and

145
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,760
sits at the desk, hands folded
in front of him as the guards

146
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,320
make their rounds.
Little Mike stands at parade

147
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,240
rest.
D Juan's face is pure calm.

148
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,520
He stares at the reflection in
the stainless mirror above the

149
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:43,720
sink and sees not a prisoner,
but Aceo in a very tight market.

150
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,600
The runner makes the drop at
2:15 on the dot.

151
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,320
D Juan doesn't look out the
window, but he knows the sound

152
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,160
of success.
A bird call from the yard,

153
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,760
followed by a chorus of laughter
from the Aryans at the pull up

154
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,600
bars.
He makes a final note in the

155
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:05,920
Ledger, then closes it gently.
All debt settled, all favors

156
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:10,040
accounted for.
He leans back, eyes closed, and

157
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,160
listens to the distant hum of
the yard.

158
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:17,280
This is what Legacy feels like.
Sandra Molinas keeps her

159
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:21,040
apartment like a surgical suite,
counters wiped down with lemon

160
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,960
cleaner every night, floors
mopped to a hospital shine and

161
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,560
the fridge stripped of leftovers
every Sunday before the city's

162
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,920
sour dawn.
There are no family photos on

163
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,080
the walls, just a single
bulletin board by the kitchen

164
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,960
table, crowded with sheets of
lined paper folded into tight

165
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,520
squares and pinned in careful
rows.

166
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,440
Most people would mistake them
for recipes or shopping lists.

167
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,880
Sandra knows better.
She sits at the table, hands

168
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:54,960
clasped as if expecting a meal.
Outside, the corridor hums with

169
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,240
the neighbors television and the
scream of a baby that never

170
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,200
seems to sleep.
The air in her apartment is

171
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,000
still trapped in the windows,
double panes.

172
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:09,440
She lights a votive candle,
Saint Jude blue wax, and reads

173
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,160
the newest letter.
Working the creases out with her

174
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:16,960
thumb, she reads aloud the words
filling the sterile quiet.

175
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:23,120
Sandra, thank you for believing
me even when nobody else will.

176
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:28,160
Some days your letters are the
only reason I remember who I am.

177
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,640
The script is blocky but
elegant, a cop's hand slowed

178
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:37,000
down for civilian inspection.
She can hear his voice as she

179
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:42,000
reads, deep and steady, notched
at the edges with apology.

180
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,600
Today was hard.
The guards lost a shipment, so

181
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,280
the whole wing went on lockdown.
They treat us like animals.

182
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:54,440
When the cameras are off, I keep
my head down, like you said.

183
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,720
I remember what you wrote about
patience, how it's a sign of

184
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:03,120
strength.
You're right, patience is all I

185
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,520
have some days.
She touches the corner of her

186
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,560
mouth, remembering the way his
voice sounded on the phone.

187
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:14,280
Measured, never hurried, never
soft enough to betray real

188
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,280
feeling.
She can't decide if that makes

189
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,640
her love him more or less.
I hope your week was better than

190
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,000
mine.
You work so hard.

191
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,920
Someday you'll get that garden
you want, and when you do, I'll

192
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,840
help you build it.
Maybe I'll be out in time to see

193
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,920
the first tomatoes.
She snorts, not unkindly.

194
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,840
The maybe is new.
Usually he's all certainty,

195
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,920
promises carved in stone.
The doubt makes him more human,

196
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:46,080
more hers.
She finishes the letter, then

197
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,520
reads it again, whispering the
last lines under her breath as

198
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,560
if they're a prayer.
Miss you every day.

199
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:58,040
You're the only person who
really understands D Juan.

200
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,120
Sandra folds the letter, presses
it flat, and pins it to the

201
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,120
board.
She stands, pours herself half a

202
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,720
cup of tea, and stares out the
window at the sodium glow of the

203
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,960
street lamps.
The morning bus will come in six

204
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,600
hours.
She will ride it to the diner,

205
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:19,000
pour coffee for men who forget
her name, spend 8 hours dodging

206
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:23,000
the manager's hands, and then
come home to this kitchen where

207
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,040
the only thing waiting is the
slow pile of letters.

208
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:31,280
This is how she likes it.
Routine, predictable, safe.

209
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:36,840
She finishes her tea, washes the
mug, dries it and sets it upside

210
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:41,400
down on the rack at the table.
She opens her checkbook and

211
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:46,200
writes a money order for $200,
made out to a rehab fund she

212
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,480
knows is a lie.
She slips it into an envelope

213
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,760
along with a new photograph, a
selfie, hair blown out and lip

214
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,520
stained purple, and seals it
with a kiss.

215
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:01,160
She hesitates, then grabs a pen
and writes a quick postscript on

216
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:05,200
the flap.
PS Sometimes I wish you'd need

217
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,280
me more.
She sits with the envelope for a

218
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:12,280
long moment, rolling it between
her palms before placing it on

219
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,400
the entryway table.
It will go in the morning,

220
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,560
dropped in the blue mailbox at
the corner, then carried away by

221
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,520
hands she'll never see.
He'll write back.

222
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,640
He always writes back.
When the letter reaches 12B,

223
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:30,760
it's evening count, and the tear
is flooded with the icy glare of

224
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,520
fluorescent tubes.
Little Mike slides the envelope

225
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,000
through the bars, then stands
back, arms folded.

226
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,520
D Juan rips it open with a
single swipe of his thumb,

227
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,920
unfolds the sheet, and reads in
silence.

228
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:50,080
He underlines 2 sentences.
I feel hollow without you.

229
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,400
I spend my nights rereading your
words.

230
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,600
He smiles, barely.
Mike leans against the bars,

231
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,280
eyes on the guards.
Good news, D.

232
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,160
Juan grunts.
She's on the hook.

233
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,440
Upped it to two bills this week.
Mike gives a low whistle.

234
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,760
Shit, you got more juice than
the old man ever did.

235
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,040
Deewan folds the letter, tucks
it under his mattress and pulls

236
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,640
out the Ledger.
He scribbles in the margin.

237
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:23,920
Sandra, double neck cycle,
increase sentiment, use lonely

238
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,400
and hope.
He taps the page, then says

239
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,480
almost to himself.
Add her to the rotation,

240
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,560
increase the pressure.
She's ready to send more.

241
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,240
Mike smirks.
You ever feel bad playing them

242
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,040
like that?
Deewon doesn't look up.

243
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,040
They get what they want, so do
I.

244
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,400
He puts the Ledger away, then
sits on the edge of the bunk,

245
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,960
head bowed.
His hands are steady, knuckles

246
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:57,240
pale under the skin.
The tear goes quiet except for

247
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,400
the distant clang of a mop
bucket and the soft, practiced

248
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,160
footsteps of Patricia Jones
making her rounds.

249
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,080
D Juan thinks of the letter, the
postscript, the way Sondra's

250
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,320
handwriting slants up and right
at the end of every sentence,

251
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,760
like she's always hoping for the
next word.

252
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,760
He knows she'll send another one
tomorrow.

253
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,520
He knows she can't help herself.
He closes his eyes and sees the

254
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,960
garden.
She wants rows of bright

255
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:29,040
tomatoes ripening under the sun.
He sees himself in the picture,

256
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:33,000
hands in the dirt, the sky above
so clear it hurts.

257
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,200
He laughs once, sharp and short.
He is so far from the sunlight

258
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,600
he might as well be underground.
But the garden is real.

259
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:45,400
If he keeps the lines tight,
keeps the Ledger clean, keeps

260
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,040
the women in the rotation, he'll
get there.

261
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,840
Or he'll die trying.
Either way, he's not alone.

262
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,720
Not tonight.
Keisha Washington is late again.

263
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,960
She stands in front of the
bathroom mirror, 1 foot braced

264
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,400
on the toilet tank, eyes locked
on her own reflection as she

265
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,280
blends foundation down her neck
with the heel of her palm.

266
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:13,040
The sink is a battlefield of
mascara, wands, powder compacts,

267
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,760
lipsticks, and shades of heat
and violence.

268
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:20,480
She scans for a single flaw,
then starts over with the blush,

269
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,119
dabbing and swiping until her
cheekbones catch the apartments

270
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,760
dirty yellow light.
Just so she rehearses it in her

271
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,920
head.
He actually listens to me, says

272
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,680
I'm the only one who understands
him.

273
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:37,200
The words hang in the bathroom,
vaporized with every exhale.

274
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:43,360
In the bedroom, piles of shoes,
Nike, Louboutin, even a box of

275
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:47,280
ancient Payless lean against
laundry baskets overflowing with

276
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:51,480
clothes she never wears.
The air smells like burned flat

277
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,760
iron and desperation.
She flips through her phone,

278
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,680
ignoring the text thread with
her sister, and checks her

279
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:03,680
reflection again.
Brows perfect, lips sharp, eyes

280
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,880
big enough to look innocent,
hard enough to survive.

281
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,960
She pulls her hair tight, then
let's it fall again, Indecisive.

282
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,400
The clock says 841.
If she wants to catch the

283
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,080
Western Union window, she has 20
minutes to make it across town,

284
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,360
dodging the pre work traffic and
the stairs from the men on the

285
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,600
corner.
She grabs her purse, heavy with

286
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,080
receipts, makeup and the new
iPhone she hasn't paid for yet,

287
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,680
then hesitates.
She pulls a thick wad of cash

288
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,440
from the bottom drawer, rubber
banded and crisp, and shoves it

289
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,600
into a zippered pouch lined with
silk.

290
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,040
Last look in the mirror.
A single hair is out of place.

291
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,200
She Yanks it hard.
She calls Tasha on speaker,

292
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,440
sliding her feet into the nude
pumps with the scuffed heel.

293
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:56,120
Girl, you up?
A yawn on the other end, just

294
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:59,440
barely.
Keisha runs her tongue along her

295
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,000
teeth, annoyed.
I'm heading out.

296
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,440
Got to drop something for him,
then work.

297
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,280
Tasha sighs, the sound thick
with envy and skepticism.

298
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:15,200
He's still got you doing this.
Keisha glances at her phone,

299
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,600
checks the time.
He needs me.

300
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,600
He ain't like the others.
Tasha laughs.

301
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,520
Nobody in jail ever is.
He's different.

302
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,760
Keisha says too quickly.
She kills the call before Tasha

303
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,960
can answer, snatches her keys,
and storms out.

304
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,160
She rides the elevator with a
neighbor who smells like

305
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,760
menthols and bad sex and makes
it to the street with seconds to

306
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,720
spare.
The Western Union office is a

307
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,720
tiny bulletproof glass fortress
inside a corner bodega.

308
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:49,960
The clerk is bored, nails
painted the color of antifreeze.

309
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,560
Keisha slides her ID and the
cash across the tray, never

310
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,520
making eye contact.
Who's the recipient?

311
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,600
The clerk asks.
Gum popping Terrell Brooks.

312
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,840
Keisha says.
Cleveland.

313
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,080
The clerk counts the bills, eyes
narrowing at the stack.

314
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,320
You know this is going to cost
you 25 just to send.

315
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,680
Keisha smiles wide and fake.
Worth it.

316
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:20,160
She fills out the slip, checks
it twice and hands it over.

317
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,680
The clerk stamps it with
unnecessary force, tears off the

318
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,680
receipt and slides it back.
Anything else?

319
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:32,480
The clerk says with a sneer.
Keisha tucks the receipt into

320
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,600
her purse and turns away.
No, that's it.

321
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:40,160
Outside, the sky is already
turning, the old sunrise blue

322
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,920
giving way to something meaner.
Keisha stands for a second,

323
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,920
clutching her purse to her ribs,
and lets herself feel hollow,

324
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:53,760
just for a second in 12 B, the
day is already old by the time

325
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,160
little Mike slides the
confirmation slip through the

326
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,680
bars.
D Juan takes it, glances at the

327
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,840
numbers, and makes a sound
between a laugh and a cough. 3

328
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,840
grand this month from her alone.
He says, shaking his head.

329
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,600
Mike sits on the bunk, knees
together, hands folded.

330
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:18,240
She sent more last week.
You want me to write her back?

331
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,560
D Juan cracks a smile.
Keep feeding her that

332
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,360
one-of-a-kind bullshit, she'll
double it next time.

333
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,160
Mike nods, already reaching for
a pen.

334
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,720
D Juan opens the Ledger.
Writes Keisha. 3K confirmed

335
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,840
leverage, high increase
frequency offer, phone call.

336
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:42,320
He looks up, voice flat.
Tell her I'm thinking about her,

337
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,520
that nobody ever made me feel
like she does.

338
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,920
Mike's handwriting is neat, with
little hearts over every eye.

339
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:56,000
You want me to use the garden
line again, D Juan considers.

340
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,280
Not this time.
Mix it up.

341
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,200
Mention the shoes.
Mike grins, tongue poking

342
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,720
between his teeth.
You a cold mother fucker, you

343
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,600
know that?
D Juan shrugs.

344
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,880
People want to be wanted, that's
all it is.

345
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:17,680
He snaps the Ledger closed, then
leans back, stretching his arms

346
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,920
behind his head.
Mike stands, letter in hand, and

347
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,720
waits at the door for the next
runner.

348
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,760
D Juan watches the shadows move
across the floor, a slow crawl

349
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,160
of light that marks the hours
until count.

350
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,640
The world keeps moving, even in
here.

351
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,880
He closes his eyes and thinks
about the last line of Keisha's

352
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,600
letter.
I wish I could see you, just

353
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,720
once, for real.
He wonders if she'd recognize

354
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,920
him in a crowd, or if he's just
a voice in her head, a fantasy

355
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,880
kept alive by habit and hope.
He doubts it matters.

356
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,360
He has the Ledger.
He has the routine.

357
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,840
He has the next name already
lined up.

358
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,520
He tells Mike to prepare the
next round.

359
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,120
There's always a next round.
Patricia Jones does her best

360
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:09,400
work at night.
The prison is quieter than the

361
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,800
worst of the day's.
Chaos boiled away, leaving only

362
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:17,000
the faint hiss of HVAC and the
low rumble of men who don't know

363
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,520
how to sleep.
She walks the 12B corridor with

364
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:26,040
the same rhythm she's used for
years. 3 paces, pause, listen,

365
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,440
repeat.
The routine keeps her mind

366
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,760
sharp, keeps her from thinking
about what she's left behind at

367
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,920
home.
Her uniform is crisp, every

368
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:40,040
button closed, the badge at her
chest polished until it catches

369
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,640
even the sickliest light.
She checks the cells in order,

370
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,640
never skipping, always giving
each number a full 2 seconds

371
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,800
before moving on.
The men in this block learned

372
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,640
long ago not to mess with her.
Most don't even make eye

373
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:59,480
contact, except for Rivers.
He sits on the edge of his bunk,

374
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,720
arms loose, legs spread wide in
the posture of someone born to

375
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,120
command space.
Even in orange, he manages to

376
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,840
look dignified.
He doesn't stand when she

377
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:12,840
arrives.
Instead, he inclines his head

378
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,920
just enough to acknowledge her
authority, but not enough to

379
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,760
seed an inch of his own.
She clears her throat, running

380
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:24,480
through the script.
Cell 12B secure, no violations.

381
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:29,880
Rivers smiles, slow and real.
You always make it sound so

382
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,880
official, Miss Jones.
She ignores the bait, keeps her

383
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,360
face neutral.
It is official.

384
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,480
He shifts, letting the bars
frame his face and torso.

385
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,240
I appreciate a woman who does
her job.

386
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,800
She lets a beat pass.
I hear you have a degree in

387
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,480
criminal justice.
He laughs, low and pleasant. 2

388
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,720
semesters at State didn't take.
She glances at her clipboard,

389
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,720
feigning interest.
Maybe you'll finish on the

390
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,560
outside.
He shrugs.

391
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,600
Maybe you will too.
She lets herself smile, just to

392
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,760
flicker.
We both know I'm stuck here.

393
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,680
Rivers tilts his head, studying
her.

394
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,240
You got kids?
She stiffens, surprised.

395
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,600
Yes, two.
Why?

396
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,960
He shrugs, nonchalant.
You carry yourself like a

397
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:28,200
mother, protective, always
watching for what's coming next.

398
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,640
She looks down, embarrassment
rising in her cheeks.

399
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:37,720
I'm just doing my job.
He softens, voice dropping.

400
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,680
How old?
She swallows. 9 and six.

401
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,520
He nods, as if he's memorizing
the data for some later use.

402
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:52,240
They're lucky to have you.
She wants to say thank you, but

403
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,040
the words stick instead.
She asks.

404
00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:02,160
You ever miss it being outside?
He grins, showing the gold every

405
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,000
minute.
But in here, things are simple.

406
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,360
You know where you stand.
She leans closer, lowering her

407
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,480
voice.
I have a problem.

408
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:18,760
He listens, all attention.
I'm listening my back, She says,

409
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,880
almost whispering.
Herniated disc, I think they

410
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,400
want me to see a specialist, but
I can't afford it.

411
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,800
She stops, the confession thick
in her mouth.

412
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:33,480
You think you could get me
something just to help me sleep?

413
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:39,560
He holds her gaze, serious now.
I respect you too much to lie.

414
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,560
Yes, I can help, but I need to
know you trust me.

415
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,680
She nods, quick and guilty.
I do.

416
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,960
He reaches through the bars,
fingers open.

417
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,240
She hesitates, then puts her
hand in his.

418
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:59,480
His grip is warm, steady, not
threatening.

419
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,240
For a moment, she lets herself
imagine what it would be like if

420
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,320
things were different, if she
were the one behind the bars, or

421
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:11,480
if there were no bars at all.
He releases her hand gently and

422
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,360
sits back.
I'll have something for you

423
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:18,160
tomorrow night shift.
Again, she nods.

424
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,040
He smiles.
Then we're square.

425
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,080
Her face flushes as she steps
away.

426
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,280
Before she leaves, she reaches
under her shirt and pulls out a

427
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,960
small plastic wrapped package,
contraband cigarettes, and

428
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:36,160
slides it under his mattress.
Their fingers touch, just for an

429
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,440
instant.
She leaves without looking back,

430
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,160
her heart pounding in her chest.
She knows what she's done, she

431
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:48,320
knows what it means, but in the
moment, it feels almost good.

432
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:53,000
Back in the guard station, she
sinks into her chair and lets

433
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,120
out a breath she didn't know she
was holding.

434
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,080
Her hands shake, so she tucks
them under her thighs.

435
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:04,600
Outside, the men in 12 B settle
into their bunks, and the lights

436
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:08,400
dim from fluorescent white to a
bruised, uncertain Gray.

437
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:13,360
Patricia stares at the clock,
counting down the hours until

438
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,640
her shift ends.
She wonders if he'll keep his

439
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,480
promise.
She wonders if she wants him to.

440
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,680
Patricia sits in the darkness of
her parked car, engine off, both

441
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,400
hands wrapped around a
disposable cell phone swaddled

442
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,280
in black electrical tape.
The phone is heavy, not in mass,

443
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,840
but in the way it bends her ribs
around a tight, impossible

444
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,360
secret.
She should throw it in the

445
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:41,040
dumpster, call in sick, drive to
the Denny's at the edge of town,

446
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,200
and eat pancakes until the sun
rises.

447
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,760
Instead, she stares at the dash
clock and counts the seconds

448
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,920
until she can't put it off any
longer.

449
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,080
Her hands sweat inside the latex
gloves she's worn since home.

450
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:57,760
She peels them off, wipes her
palms on her pants, and slips

451
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,920
the phone into her uniform
pocket next to the pack of

452
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,600
menthols she's promised herself
not to smoke.

453
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:08,200
The keys to the facility dangle
from her lanyard, clinking a

454
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,160
warning as she steps out into
the sodium vapor night.

455
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,760
Inside the Sally port, she signs
in, badge to scanner, barely

456
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:20,800
registering the guard on desk.
Rough night?

457
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,160
He asks, not expecting an
answer.

458
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,360
Always is.
She mutters, and keeps moving.

459
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,480
The cell block is colder than
last shift, the air heavy with

460
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,200
disinfectant and a slow leak of
mildew from the vents.

461
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,040
She makes her rounds by rote,
greeting each tear with a

462
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:44,120
practiced calm, pausing at every
cell just long enough to prove

463
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,560
she's awake.
The men are silent.

464
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:52,400
Most are sleeping or faking it.
1 glares at her from the dark

465
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,680
with an accusation she's long
since learned to ignore.

466
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,640
At the far end of the hall, she
waits until the corridor is

467
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,400
clear, then slips through the
side door to the supply closet.

468
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:08,520
The bear bulb flickers overhead,
exposing every smear and scuff

469
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,200
in the tile.
The closet smells of bleach, old

470
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,920
rags, and the sour ghost of 100
mopped up messes.

471
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,200
She pulls the door closed behind
her, presses her back to the

472
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:24,000
cinder block, and waits.
He steps from the shadow by the

473
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,680
mop sink, close enough that she
can smell the faint burn of his

474
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,360
deodorant and the powdery Tang
of his breath.

475
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:36,160
He's changed since last time,
shirt tucked, hair neat, and

476
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,040
intensity in his eyes that makes
her want to look away and never

477
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:43,480
stop looking at the same time.
She holds the phone out, her arm

478
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:47,240
trembling.
Here, just like you said.

479
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,880
He takes it, careful not to
touch her skin.

480
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,000
You did good.
She shakes her head, fighting

481
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,040
the urge to cry.
It's not right.

482
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,440
I could lose everything.
He tucks the phone into the

483
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,680
waistband of his pants, then
leans in, lowering his voice to

484
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,680
a hush.
You're different from the others

485
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,520
here.
You understand what it means to

486
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:16,840
do whatever it takes for family.
She lets out a shaky laugh,

487
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,520
bitter.
You don't know shit about my

488
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,880
family.
He steps closer until she can

489
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,800
feel the heat coming off his
body.

490
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,040
You got the look of someone
who's had to make hard choices.

491
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:33,720
I respect that.
She wants to hit him, or maybe

492
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:36,160
hug him.
Instead, she says.

493
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:41,520
Just don't make me regret this.
He smiles, soft and warm.

494
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,640
I won't.
She feels a tear threaten, so

495
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,600
she looks up at the bare bulb,
blinking until her vision

496
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:52,000
clears.
She turns to go, but he stops

497
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,360
her with a hand on her arm.
The touch is electric,

498
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,080
dangerous, and she's too tired
to resist.

499
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:02,640
Stay a minute, he says, and
gently presses her back against

500
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,080
the wall.
Her mouth goes dry.

501
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,200
He's close now, close enough
that she can count the tiny

502
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:13,000
scars on his jaw, the way his
lips part before he speaks.

503
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,320
He whispers.
You ever think about what it'd

504
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:18,960
be like if things were
different?

505
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:25,560
She doesn't answer, She can't.
He kisses her, sudden and

506
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,760
desperate.
She freezes, then melts, letting

507
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,640
herself drown in the feeling.
Warmth, danger, relief.

508
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,280
His hands are careful but
insistent, moving to her waist,

509
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,560
then lower.
She lets him.

510
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,560
It lasts for three heartbeats,
maybe 4.

511
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:47,320
Then the radio on her belt
hisses to life and the spell is

512
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,880
broken.
She jerks away, heart pounding,

513
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,240
the taste of him sharp on her
lips.

514
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,880
He grins, unashamed, and steps
back.

515
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,640
She straightens her uniform,
smoothing the fabric with

516
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:05,320
shaking hands as she leaves.
Her ring finger catches on the

517
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:09,240
frayed edge of his sleeve, and
for a split second, she feels

518
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:13,120
the static charge between them.
Then she's out in the hallway,

519
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:17,800
breath ragged, eyes stinging.
She finishes her rounds in a

520
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,880
daze, every step heavier than
the last.

521
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,240
Back in the guard station, she
checks her face in the convex

522
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,520
mirror.
Nothing is out of place, but she

523
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,160
feels raw, scraped down to
nerve.

524
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,880
She sits, hands folded, and
waits for the world to end.

525
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,800
But it doesn't.
The next day, she finds a note

526
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,560
under her windshield wiper.
Thank you.

527
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:46,200
The words are blocky, familiar,
and so tender it makes her ache.

528
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,360
She rips it up but keeps the
pieces in her glove compartment,

529
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,920
just in case.
Conjugal visit rooms are a lie.

530
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,600
Even the name is a joke.
Nobody fucks here.

531
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,360
They barely talk.
The space is painted the color

532
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:05,120
of old oatmeal, cinder block
walls marred by the ghosts of

533
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:09,080
gum and pencil graffiti.
The tables are bolted to the

534
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:13,000
floor and the benches are so
close to the plexiglass divider

535
00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:14,880
that you can taste your own
breath.

536
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:19,480
On the other side, Qanda Dowan
sits straight backed, hands

537
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:23,520
folded, the fingers laced so
tight her knuckles are white.

538
00:34:24,199 --> 00:34:28,480
Her eyes are sharp and dry.
She spent all morning rehearsing

539
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,880
what she'll say, but the words
taste different in the stale,

540
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,960
institutional air.
D Juan enters in orange,

541
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:38,679
escorted by a guard who can't
hide his smirk.

542
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:43,880
He sits opposite her, a thin
smile on his lips and a hunger

543
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:47,400
in his eyes that might be real
or might just be the artifact of

544
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,679
six months without a woman on
the outside.

545
00:34:50,159 --> 00:34:53,719
She waits until the guard turns
his back, then slides a file

546
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:58,240
folder onto the table.
They said I had 20 minutes, so

547
00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:01,960
let's not waste time.
He glances at the folder, then

548
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:06,040
at her.
You look good, Quanda, Even in

549
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,800
this lighting.
She ignores the flattery.

550
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,160
I know what you're doing.
He leans back, making a show of

551
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,760
being unbothered.
Doing what?

552
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,400
She opens the folder.
Inside are three newspaper

553
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,760
clippings, the ink faded at the
edges.

554
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,520
She arranges them in a line,
like evidence in a trial.

555
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:28,960
These are all from the last
month.

556
00:35:29,720 --> 00:35:31,760
Rivers family name comes up in
everyone.

557
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,760
Drugs smuggling, 3 guards on
your payroll, minimum.

558
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,480
He studies the clippings, then
shrugs.

559
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:40,960
I can't control what people
print.

560
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:45,600
She taps the first article, her
nail sharp against the plastic.

561
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:50,080
This one's about Lance.
He's not even subtle anymore.

562
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,720
You really want your nephew to
grow up in this?

563
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,520
He frowns, the first crack in
his calm.

564
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,880
What do you want, Quanda?
She's ready for the question.

565
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,880
I want you to stop using me as
your alibi, I want you to stop

566
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:10,120
sending your cousins to my house
with gifts, and I want you to

567
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,880
start acting like you give a
shit about your own son.

568
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:17,880
He lets the silence build.
His gaze drops to her hands,

569
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,160
then rises to her face,
searching for weakness.

570
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:26,400
He's better off without me.
Diwan says, voice low.

571
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,800
She doesn't blink.
Bullshit, you just don't want

572
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,320
him to see you like this.
He smiles, bitter.

573
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,120
Nobody wants to see anyone like
this.

574
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,720
She softens, just a little.
You think I'm doing great?

575
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,640
I'm working 2 jobs and putting
up with your mess every day.

576
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,960
He leans forward, voice
dangerous.

577
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:55,040
I never asked you to wait.
She matches him inch for inch.

578
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,440
But you wanted me to, didn't
you?

579
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,920
You wanted me to be loyal.
He glances at the articles

580
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,280
again.
You are always too smart for

581
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,600
that.
She nods, swallowing the hurt.

582
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,720
I need to know if you're going
to drag me down with you,

583
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:16,200
Because if you are, I'm leaving
for good.

584
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,680
His fingers curl around the edge
of the metal table, knuckles

585
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,160
pale.
You got someone else?

586
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,720
She almost laughs.
If I did, you think I'd still be

587
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:30,880
coming here?
He stares at her, jaw working.

588
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:35,640
You never change, Quanda.
She lets the insult land, then

589
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,280
shakes her head.
Maybe you should.

590
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,240
The timer on the wall buzzes,
loud and ugly.

591
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,360
She stands, gathering her
things.

592
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,760
There are worse things than
prison, D Juan, and you're

593
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:54,040
building your own cage.
He looks up, caught off guard.

594
00:37:55,120 --> 00:38:00,400
She smiles, real this time.
See you in the news, she says,

595
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,840
and waves to the guard as she
leaves.

596
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,080
She feels lighter than she has
in months.

597
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,360
There's no joy in it, just a
sharp clarity.

598
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,680
She'll sleep tonight, she knows
it.

599
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,440
Behind the plexiglass, D Juan is
already closing the file,

600
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,440
stacking the clippings in
careful, orderly rows.

601
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,320
He's not the only one who knows
how to keep score.

602
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,560
Nobody warns you how bright the
government offices are.

603
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:30,200
Valerie Perkins sits in a molded
plastic chair, head bowed to the

604
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,800
table, eyelids burning from the
flicker of the fluorescence

605
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,880
overhead.
Her hands shake so hard she

606
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,480
can't hold the pen steady, and
the form keeps sliding across

607
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,680
the fake wood grain.
She tries to keep her breathing

608
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,640
even, like the psychiatrist
showed her, but every inhale

609
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,320
tastes like bleach, and every
exhale comes out of thin,

610
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,960
breaking wine.
The caseworker is maybe 25, hair

611
00:38:55,960 --> 00:39:00,760
in a perfect black puff, skin
flawless, Her badge, says

612
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:05,840
Rivera, first name smudged by
the lamination.

613
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,680
She taps the edge of the Manila
file, flipping through a stack

614
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:13,040
of pages clipped together.
Just sign the bottom, Miss

615
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,280
Perkins.
Then we're done.

616
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,000
Valerie forces herself to read
the page.

617
00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:22,360
Temporary surrender of parental
rights.

618
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:27,680
Temporary is a lie, she knows
that, even if nobody says it.

619
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,400
She signs her last name, a ghost
of loops and slashes.

620
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,560
Rivera smiles, kind but not
real.

621
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:38,560
Thank you.
That's the last one, I promise.

622
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,120
Valerie wipes her eyes on the
sleeve of her hoodie.

623
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,520
She's been wearing it for three
days.

624
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,640
There's a coffee stain at the
cuff and something dark that

625
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,240
might be blood from when she
punched the bathroom mirror at

626
00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:53,200
the shelter.
Her hair is pulled into a bun,

627
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,640
but strands stick out at every
angle.

628
00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:00,000
Her leggings are inside out, and
the label rubs her ankle raw.

629
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,360
The social worker closes the
file, setting it aside like a

630
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,720
finished meal.
Is there anything you want me to

631
00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:12,480
tell him before he goes?
Valerie shakes her head.

632
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:18,080
No, Then yes, just that I love
him and I'll get him back.

633
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:21,920
Rivera nods.
The way you gnawed at a crazy

634
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,320
person who's going to start
screaming soon.

635
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,480
The guard outside the door
watches the whole thing, arms

636
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,680
folded, eyes flat.
When the meeting is done, he

637
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,000
opens the door with a flourish,
ushering them into the hallway.

638
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,680
Valerie feels the cold hit her
skin and shivers.

639
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,680
The hospital smell, the wax tile
floors, the endless echoing

640
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,480
corridors, it all makes her feel
smaller than she did 5 minutes

641
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,400
ago.
They pass the playroom where

642
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,600
kids in donated sweatshirts
hunch over battered toys.

643
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:59,680
She looks for Dee, but he's not
there, probably already gone,

644
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,320
flown to the next placement like
a box on the conveyor belt.

645
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,840
Rivera touches her shoulder.
He's safe, Miss Perkins.

646
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,760
He's with a foster family in
Marietta.

647
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,480
Valerie grits her teeth.
He hates Marietta.

648
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:19,600
He'll be OK, he's very strong.
He said you taught him to dance

649
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:23,480
when he's sad.
Valerie smiles at that, real and

650
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,120
wet.
He's better at it than me.

651
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:32,080
Rivera's voice softens.
You can write to him or call if

652
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,320
you want.
Here's the address.

653
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,600
She hands over a print out,
Dee's name spelled wrong at the

654
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,720
top.
Thanks.

655
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:43,200
Valerie whispers.
She walks to the end of the

656
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:47,520
hall, sits in the women's
bathroom and sobs until her head

657
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,920
is empty.
She can't go home, There is no

658
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:54,040
home.
So she dries her face, looks in

659
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:58,200
the mirror and starts over.
She walks to the library.

660
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,040
The smell of paper and dust is a
comfort.

661
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,040
She finds a table in the corner,
pulls out the print out and

662
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,880
flips it over.
Then she digs in her purse for a

663
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,280
pen and the crumpled photo of
Dee.

664
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:15,680
In the photo, he's 7, smile
wide, arms thrown up in the

665
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:19,400
middle of a spin.
She smooths the photo, tracing

666
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,320
the outline of his face with her
finger.

667
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:27,720
She writes Deewan Dash, Dash,
They took my baby today, said

668
00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:30,360
I'm unfit.
How can they judge me when they

669
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:33,520
don't know what it's like?
You were the only one, whoever

670
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,200
got it.
I know you're busy with your own

671
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:40,720
mess, but if you have any say
with the old man, please talk to

672
00:42:40,720 --> 00:42:42,800
him.
Tell him I won't do anything

673
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,840
stupid.
Tell him I'll take the meds.

674
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,880
All of them.
I'll even go back to the group

675
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,680
if that's what it takes.
You remember when we used to

676
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,680
skip class and hide out in the
park and you'd buy me those

677
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,920
mango sodas and we'd just sit
for hours not talking about

678
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:59,040
anything?
I want one more day like that.

679
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,080
D is your blood too.
Your cousin.

680
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,040
Don't let him disappear into the
system like I did.

681
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,400
Please.
I know I fucked up, but I can

682
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:12,560
fix it.
Just help me, please, Val.

683
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,800
She reads it twice, then once
more, adding lines in the

684
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,720
margins where the pen slips.
By the end, her handwriting is

685
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:24,360
barely legible.
She folds the letter, slips it

686
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,320
into an envelope, and licks the
flap.

687
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:31,200
Her tongue tastes salt, and she
realizes she's crying again.

688
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,920
She looks at the photo of Dee,
then at the letter, and presses

689
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,680
the envelope to her lips.
She drops it in the mailbox on

690
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:42,880
the corner, then wanders until
the street lights come on.

691
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:47,840
At dusk, she finds herself at
the park, sitting on the swings,

692
00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:51,080
kicking her feet out and
watching the sky turn purple.

693
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,840
She closes her eyes and tries to
remember the sound of Dee's

694
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,560
laugh, the weight of his head on
her shoulder.

695
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,680
She thinks about Dee Juan, about
the kind of help he can give,

696
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,520
the kind of help that doesn't
leave fingerprints.

697
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,840
She decides she will get Dee
back, no matter what it costs.

698
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,720
She will make the system notice
her, even if it kills her.

699
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,640
The air is cold.
She shivers but doesn't leave.

700
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,840
She swings until her arms ache
and when the clouds break she

701
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,520
imagines the sun coming through,
bright and clean.

702
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,800
Tomorrow she will start over.
Tomorrow she will fight.

703
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,000
Tonight she just wants to
believe.

704
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,360
She closes her eyes and tries to
remember what hope feels like.

705
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,600
Thanks for tuning into this
exclusive No Tears for Black

706
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:44,400
Girls episode.
If you want to dive deeper into

707
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:49,160
JC Reedberg's gripping story,
head over to Amazon Kindle and

708
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:53,440
grab your free digital copy of
No Tears for Black Girls Prison

709
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,400
Pimped.
It's available at no cost for

710
00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:00,080
everyone until October 6th,
after which it'll be a Kindle

711
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,720
exclusive.
Before we go, let's set the mood

712
00:45:03,720 --> 00:45:07,080
with Profit Profits Prison
pimped a track straight off our

713
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,320
upcoming No Tears for Black
Girls soundtrack dropping later

714
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,520
this month.
Get ready to vibe with us on

715
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:16,680
Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube,
and all your favorite streaming

716
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,880
platforms.
Stay loved, stay blessed, and

717
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,280
stay safe.
This is Samantha Paul.

718
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:59,400
You born alone die alone.
Every tears a new year man.

719
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,280
Everyone slides by.
Realize you never cry alone.

720
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:04,480
This pain.
Missing baby girls first steps

721
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,280
on graduation day phone calls,
getting short of family,

722
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,400
drifting away Mama getting
older.

723
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,160
Can't help with the rent can't
help 25 life sentence.

724
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:15,080
Wonder where the time went.
My lady stopped visiting.

725
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,880
I know what that means.
She lonely, she horny.

726
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,600
Somebody's in between.
Christmas behind bars.

727
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,920
Holidays hurt the most time.
Watch grown men breakdown like

728
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:53,560
they seen a ghost.
Life on the cell block can cause

729
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:59,320
you death if you don't listen.
Listen, you get prison pimp,

730
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,200
don't you?
Pimp the system Profit.

731
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,200
Life on the cell block can cause
you death if you don't listen.

732
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:39,200
Real talk real.
Old school pimps schooling young

733
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,640
cats on the real.
How to do your time without

734
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:45,080
losing what you're feeling Real.
Some fine guys, some fine books

735
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,520
for the mind, some fine.
Strengthen the pain.

736
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:49,720
Leave the past behind.
Strong free jungle.

737
00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:51,240
We're only strong.
Survive the test.

738
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:54,040
Keep your soul intact.
That's how you beat the rest.

739
00:48:54,040 --> 00:49:01,000
Stay strong.
You get prison pimped or you

740
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:06,160
pimp the system.
Life on the cell block can cause

741
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,040
you depth if you don't listen,
listen, listen.

742
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,240
You get prison pimped or you
pimp the system.

743
00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:17,320
Profit, profit.
Life on the cell block can cause

744
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:22,600
you depth if you don't listen
real tall from the yard to the

745
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,800
block prophet, prophet survive
survivors and pimp the pimp the

746
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,560
system.
I decided real pimp with the

747
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,000
wisdom.
That's what I provide.

748
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,440
I didn't real recognize real.
That's how profit.