She Lived In Her Car, Rationed Her Medication, And Died Alone On New Year's Eve. This Is Her Story.

1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,200
This is no.
Tears for black girls.

2
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:06,040
I'm Samantha Paul.
Before we get into today's

3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,160
episode, I want to do something
a little different.

4
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,960
Every case we.
Cover on this show starts the

5
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:15,160
same way, with a name, with a
family, with a pattern that

6
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:16,920
should have been interrupted and
wasn't.

7
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,840
And every time I sit down to
research another story, I think

8
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,400
about how.
We tell these stories.

9
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,720
Not just what happened, but how
you make someone real to a

10
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,680
person who never met them.
How you make a listener stop

11
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,920
what they're doing and feel the.
Weight of a life that the world

12
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,280
decided.
Didn't matter enough to protect.

13
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,160
I've been working alongside.
JC Reedberg for a.

14
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,360
While now and together we have
been building something that

15
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,920
lives inside the same universe.
As this podcast, JC is the.

16
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,280
Author of Death Apnea, Part of
the No Tears for Black.

17
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,600
Girls Case Files series.
And there is a chapter in that

18
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,280
book that I haven't been able to
stop thinking about since the

19
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,320
first time I read it.
Not because it is about a

20
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,240
murder.
Not because it is.

21
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,760
About a system failure.
But because it is.

22
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,600
About a New Year's Eve in a
parking lot in New Orleans.

23
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,200
About a woman getting dressed in
the front seat of her car.

24
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,040
With the.
Precision of someone who has

25
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,080
learned to keep her dignity in
conditions that were never

26
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,960
designed to allow.
For it about a dog who loves

27
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,480
her.
About a letter she writes.

28
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,800
That she hopes nobody.
Ever has to read?

29
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,920
About a woman who refuses.
To let the people she loves see

30
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,000
her.
Falling Apart.

31
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,120
Her name is Nettie Moreau.
She is a fictional character.

32
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,520
But I want you to understand
something before we go any

33
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,360
further.
Nettie is fictional in the way

34
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,520
that all the best fiction is
fictional, which means she is

35
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,400
built from 1000.
Real women.

36
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,640
Women who lost their businesses
to gentrification and never

37
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,200
recovered.
Women who ration their

38
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,720
medication because the math
doesn't work and it never works.

39
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,200
Women who sleep in their cars
and.

40
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,440
Lie to their daughters about it
because they would rather carry

41
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,720
the weight.
Alone then watch someone they.

42
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,440
Love try to lift it.
Women whose hearts are giving

43
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,280
out while the world keeps
moving.

44
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,960
And nobody.
Stops to ask if they are OK the

45
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,400
medical.
Crisis at the center?

46
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,640
Of this book is.
Real.

47
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,800
The pattern of Black bodies
being processed through hospital

48
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,640
systems without proper family
notification is Real.

49
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,440
The history of Black women
disappearing into systems that

50
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,000
were never built to find them
is.

51
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,800
Real Nettie's story.
Is fiction.

52
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,000
The world that made her possible
is not.

53
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,600
So today instead of a case file,
I am reading you a.

54
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,720
Chapter Chapter 6 The tower card
new.

55
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:47,920
Year's Eve in New Orleans, A
gold Chevy Impala a woman who

56
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:51,480
already knows what is coming and
spends her last hours making

57
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,320
sure the people she.
Loves will be OK without her.

58
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,440
This one is going to sit with
you.

59
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,000
Chapter 6.
The Tower.

60
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:05,880
Card The inside of the gold
Chevy Impala is cold and humid,

61
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,160
the windows fogged up and
dripping.

62
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,040
Nettie lies twisted on the front
bench.

63
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,440
Seat her knees.
Drawn to her chest, a thick blue

64
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,920
blanket cocooned around her and
the sleeping dog pressed against

65
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:20,640
her hips.
Goldie's breath fogs.

66
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:25,120
The air in slow dog rhythmed
bursts, fur Musk cut with the

67
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,880
cloying Tang of old citrus air
freshener.

68
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:33,080
Outside, faint jazz slaloms in
from Rampart, trailing the last

69
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,440
of the midnight crowd toward
something louder, brighter and

70
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,800
less permanent than the shape of
her own morning.

71
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:43,280
She is awake.
Before her eyes open in the

72
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,480
dark, she counts her parts.
Ankles, knees, elbows, ribs.

73
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,720
Every one of them present,
aching, accounted for.

74
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,440
She lets her hand rest on
Goldie.

75
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,480
'S back the slow.
Rise and fall, proof of another.

76
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,160
Day's grace.
The ancestors.

77
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:03,080
Say every day is.
Laniapa, even the hard ones.

78
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,760
The seat belt buckle pokes her
thigh.

79
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,480
And she shifts, careful not to
disturb the.

80
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,240
Dog.
Her body still remembers.

81
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,920
The space of a.
Queen Mattress the Gentle.

82
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,440
Weight of Kiki.
Curled behind her knees, but

83
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,040
it's been months since a real.
Bed her.

84
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,120
Bones settle in, finding comfort
in the nest of laundry and junk

85
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,960
mail, the faded tartan scarf
wrapped three times around her

86
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,880
neck.
She blinks.

87
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,080
And the condensation on the
windshield.

88
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,280
Refracts the gas.
Station lights and dreamy

89
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:37,680
sunburst patterns.
Nettie sits up slowly.

90
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,600
A low electric hum gnaws at the
edges.

91
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,200
Of her chest.
The same hum that's been there

92
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,640
for months, the one she knows
means her heart's skipping beats

93
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,400
the one the clinic said she
needed.

94
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,520
To get checked but.
Clinics cost money and money's

95
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:56,480
been tight since Page and poor.
Closed, she wraps.

96
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,120
Both hands around the steering
wheel.

97
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,880
Waits for the world to steady
the.

98
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,320
Tremor in her left hand is worse
than yesterday.

99
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,480
It snakes up her arm and sets
her jaw on edge.

100
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,280
She ignores it.
Instead, she pops the glove

101
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,320
compartment and.
Pulls out her toothbrush.

102
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,200
Travel size Purple bristles
splayed like the tail.

103
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,800
Feathers of a dying.
Peacock, the plastic water

104
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,880
bottle she.
Keeps for mornings like this is

105
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,720
half frozen from the night.
Chill.

106
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,200
She pours a.
Ration onto her brush and spits

107
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,040
into a paper.
Coffee cup quick.

108
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,680
And neat nobody.
Teaches you how to.

109
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,000
Keep dignity when you're parked
on the edge of the quarter.

110
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,120
But she's figured it out,
Goldie.

111
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,840
Stirs gives her a.
Side eye the dog.

112
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:43,680
Stretches and yawns, mouth a
pink cave before resting her

113
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:48,320
chin on Nettie's thigh.
SH Nettie whispers.

114
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,440
We got.
A few minutes share.

115
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,400
She glances at the clock. 7 O
4:00 AM.

116
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,360
The whole city is still.
Hungover or dreaming?

117
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,360
Except for the joggers.
And the sanitation crews.

118
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,760
For a second, she considers
climbing out for a walk through

119
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,240
Louis Armstrong Park, but her
mind's already fast forwarding

120
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,880
to the rest of the routine.
She pulls the blanket tighter

121
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,520
and reaches down into the
cracked vinyl footwell for her

122
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,440
work uniform.
Black slacks collared.

123
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,000
Shirt and the battered.
Clogs, she thrifted last.

124
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,600
Spring.
The slacks are wrinkled but

125
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,200
clean, folded with the precision
of a woman who once ironed for

126
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,440
her whole family.
She lays them across her knees

127
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,480
and begins the practice shuffle
of changing clothes in the

128
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:37,560
driver's seat, shoulders
hunched, every move calculated

129
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,120
to stay invisible.
To the street.

130
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,440
In the rear view.
Her face looks older.

131
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,880
Than it did.
Two weeks ago.

132
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,160
The dark skin under her eyes has
deepened to the.

133
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,120
Color of bruised.
Plums the whites.

134
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,680
Are shot through.
With red lightning, she bares

135
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,800
her teeth and checks.
For lipstick residue.

136
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,640
Then smooths her hair back into
a tight bun.

137
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,680
A few locks escape wild at the
edges.

138
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,480
Copper wire glinting faintly in
the morning.

139
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,240
Nettie shakes her head and tucks
them behind her ear, the

140
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,360
blue-green tattoo on her right.
Wrist.

141
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,160
Scorpio for what it's.
Worth flares?

142
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:19,280
Against her skin, a warning or a
blessing, depending on the day,

143
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,400
Goldie whines a wet sound and
bats at the glove.

144
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,920
Box with her paw.
All right, all right.

145
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,280
I see you.
Nettie Pops.

146
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,200
It open again, this time for
the.

147
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,960
Dog's treat A desiccated pig's
ear.

148
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,680
From a gas station on
Carrollton.

149
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,960
Two days stale.
Goldie crunches it slow, eyes

150
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:42,720
rolling up in bliss.
Nettie can't help but smile.

151
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,040
The way she sees it, dogs are.
The only ones who?

152
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,480
Got life figured?
They want food, warmth and

153
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,720
someone to walk.
Beside, not even.

154
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,680
Humans, not even the slickest
politicians or the.

155
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:59,520
Richest doctors have their
desires so pure, she gathers.

156
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,040
The rest of her things into.
Order wallet with Kiki's school

157
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,920
photo a reusable.
Tote for her work lunch.

158
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,120
A knotted zip lock.
Bag that holds her.

159
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,680
Phone charger, deodorant and a.
Battered deck of Tarot.

160
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,840
Cards bound with a rubber band.
She hesitates over the cards.

161
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,520
Don't pull unless you want the
truth.

162
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:22,600
Miss Evangeline used to say back
in the days of page and poor and

163
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,760
mornings that.
Started with chicory coffee.

164
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,840
Not this burnt at the edges
hustle.

165
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,480
But the truth already.
Lives in her chest, skipping

166
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,120
like a.
Scratched up jazz record.

167
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,960
Still, she slips the cards out
and shuffles 3 times.

168
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,480
Goldie looks up, tongue lulling
as if.

169
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,799
She too is.
Waiting on the outcome, Nettie

170
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:46,200
draws a single card and flips it
in her palm.

171
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,920
The Tower.
Again, she holds the.

172
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,000
Card so the.
Pale morning light bleeds

173
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,520
through it.
A stone tower struck by

174
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,600
lightning.
Bodies tumbling from the

175
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,840
parapet.
A crown on fire.

176
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,360
Third day running.
She shakes her head.

177
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,800
Lips pressed thin the tower
don't play big change

178
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:12,560
catastrophe, but necessary.
Burn it down so you can build

179
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,560
something new.
She knows enough to be wary of

180
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:18,960
patterns, and three towers in a
row is not a pattern.

181
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:23,000
It's a warning the tremor in her
hand gets.

182
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,840
Worse.
She claps her palm flat on the

183
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,240
dashboard, grounding herself.
Today's the day.

184
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,240
Don't run from it.
Don't let them take it from you

185
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,080
either.
She.

186
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:39,440
Breathes slow and deliberate
until the shake subsides.

187
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,880
Goldie noses her elbow and
Nettie.

188
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,960
Rubs the dog's head.
Letting herself feel the coarse

189
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,120
warmth.
She closes her.

190
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,400
Eyes and thinks about.
Kiki Kiki.

191
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,600
Who is somewhere?
Across the city, asleep.

192
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,280
In her apartment near Tulane,
waking to her own hungover dawn.

193
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,160
Nettie fights the urge to text
her.

194
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,520
She'll see her tonight if all
goes well.

195
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,440
She only has to last a handful
more hours.

196
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,360
The sun catches on the steeple
of Saint Augustine Catholic.

197
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,040
Church.
Painting gold across the mist.

198
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,120
Nettie studies the card.
One last time, then slips it

199
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,040
into.
Her breast pocket over her

200
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:21,680
heart, She sets her jaw.
Wipes her hands on her pants and

201
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,680
puts the car in gear.
She is ready.

202
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,960
The stretch between Saint Philip
and Esplanade.

203
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,680
Is a slow crawl.
Sun climbing higher but barely

204
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:36,000
cutting the haze, she finds a
spot under the twisted oaks on

205
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,960
Governor Nichols and kills the
engine for a minute.

206
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,640
She just sits.
Tracing the cracks in the

207
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,120
dashboard, the gold Chevy
Impala's hood gleaming under a.

208
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,800
Crust of dust.
Goldie Circles.

209
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,520
Three times and collapses in the
passenger foot well, snoring

210
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,360
Within seconds.
Nettie lays her forehead against

211
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,960
the steering wheel.
Sleep was fitful.

212
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,160
Last night, even by her
standards, the old dreams came

213
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,080
back stronger than before.
Etta's voice clearer.

214
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:11,320
Than it's been in years, calling
her across an endless flood, her

215
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,960
hands clutching cards.
Slick with river water.

216
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,200
Congo Square drumming that
shook.

217
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,280
The world but left.
Her untouched on the other side.

218
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,640
You ain't running from nothing,
Nanette, the.

219
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,760
Voice had said.
Low and rough as the sound of

220
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:30,400
beans stirring in a pot.
Time to go home, Cher, Don't

221
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:34,400
make me come fetch you myself.
She opens her eyes, and the

222
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,680
dream.
Dissolves but the after.

223
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,520
Image lingers.
Always does.

224
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:44,360
Tonight's the night, then the
knowledge doesn't scare her.

225
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,280
Not exactly.
It's like.

226
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,840
Standing at the.
Edge of a wide.

227
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,000
Slow river.
Inevitable, yes, but almost

228
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,480
peaceful.
She wonders if her own.

229
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,320
Mother felt like this.
Knowing the end was a question

230
00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,080
of when, not if.
Or maybe that kind of wisdom

231
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,080
skips a generation.
The phone pings in her lap.

232
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:09,480
Kiki. 7:19 AM Happy almost New
year, Mama.

233
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,480
You want me to pick you up for
gumbo at Miss Lorraine's?

234
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:17,560
A minute later, another text.
Or you need a ride somewhere

235
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,000
else.
You never answered if you're

236
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,320
doing midnight mass.
Nettie thumbs a reply, watching

237
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,240
the little.
Dots pulse as she types, erases.

238
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,640
Types again.
She wants to say yes.

239
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,920
She wants to say pick me up and
Take Me Home.

240
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,240
But home is a moving target now,
and the thought of Kiki seeing

241
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:42,120
her like this fading at the
edges, living out of a car,

242
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:46,320
makes her hands cramp on the
phone instead.

243
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,760
I picked up an extra shift
tonight.

244
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,920
Tell Miss Lorraine to save me
some gumbo and you.

245
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,680
Stay off the roads after. 10 You
hear too many fools.

246
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,720
Out there the lie slides.
Down easy.

247
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:03,440
Practice makes perfect.
She scrolls through the other

248
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,760
unread messages, one from
Jermaine sent last night.

249
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:11,040
Congo Square, midnight tomorrow.
I'll be there.

250
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,320
Can't wait to see.
You.

251
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,800
Her chest.
Tightens, but not from the pain

252
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,960
this time.
From something else.

253
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:22,040
Something like hope.
She doesn't reply yet.

254
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,360
She'll see him tonight.
Face to face, the way it should

255
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,440
be.
Nettie reclines the seat and

256
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,840
lets herself drift.
It's 2023 again, the day after

257
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,720
Paige and.
Poor's last shift.

258
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,280
She stands in front of the plate
glass window, paint peeling at

259
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,200
the edges, the inside gutted and
echoing.

260
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,560
They left the bookshelves.
Nobody wanted them, not even the

261
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,800
flippers.
But the rest is gone.

262
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,880
The hand painted community
fridge sign is already tagged.

263
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,480
Over.
And a flyer for some new vegan

264
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:57,760
bakery is stapled.
To the.

265
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,080
Plywood on the door.
She presses her palm to the

266
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,360
glass like she can feel the.
Ghost.

267
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,000
Of the old place in the sun,
warmed residue.

268
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,200
The sound of kids laughing 2
doors down.

269
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:14,040
Different faces, same.
Stories, people always think.

270
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:17,400
You can erase a neighborhood by
painting over it, but memory

271
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,800
sticks to the bones of a place.
It never leaves.

272
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,160
Not really.
Nettie takes her.

273
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:28,400
Eviction Notice folds it into
the smallest square she can and

274
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,440
slips it into her pocket.
She opens the back of the Impala

275
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,320
and starts packing books.
First, nobody touches the.

276
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,800
Baldwin or the?
Blue Spiral.

277
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,200
With her own scribbles, then the
boxes.

278
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,640
Of Kiki's childhood art, last
the battered.

279
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,240
Coffee pot that's been with her
since the FEMA trailer.

280
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,160
A man walks by, gives her a
polite nod.

281
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,520
He wears a neon T-shirt.
For a food rescue.

282
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,040
Collective.
Same logo that's printed on the

283
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,680
New Flyer.
Nettie smiles back, but doesn't

284
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,960
wave.
She watches the shop.

285
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,480
One last time, then gets in the
car and drives away, never

286
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,200
looking in the rear view.
Back in the present, her phone

287
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:12,480
buzzes again.
Jermaine, 7:48 AM.

288
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,040
You still coming tonight?
Been thinking about you all

289
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,000
morning.
She types, pauses.

290
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:23,400
Then I'll be there.
Wouldn't miss it.

291
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,960
A pause on his end, then.
Good, I got.

292
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,520
Something I want to tell you,
something important.

293
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,840
She lets that sit for a moment,
warmth spreading through her

294
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,560
chest.
Despite the cold, maybe the

295
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,280
tower?
Don't mean what she thinks.

296
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,160
Maybe it just means the?
Old has to fall away.

297
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,600
So the new can.
Rise, maybe?

298
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:50,000
Jermaine is that new thing, a
second chance, a sign from the

299
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,960
ancestors that she's not done
yet.

300
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,080
She pockets the phone.
The sun is higher now, Goldie.

301
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,320
Stirs shakes her.
Fur and sits up.

302
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:03,240
Alert, ears cocked, Nettie rubs
the dog's head.

303
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,240
Feeling the comfort of old
routine.

304
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,680
You keep a secret.
Better than anybody, Goldie.

305
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,200
Maybe that's why I love you so
much.

306
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,200
She slides.
The tarot deck from her bag

307
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,080
again, one handed she thinks
about.

308
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,280
Kiki about, Etta about.
What it means to be the last

309
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,840
stop in a broken line tonight, I
settle.

310
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,800
Up.
Tonight I see the.

311
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,640
Tower all the.
Way to the ground.

312
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,240
Or maybe tonight I build
something new on the.

313
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,000
Rubble She.
Draws a single card.

314
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,640
Fast like.
Tearing off a bandage, the

315
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:42,160
hanged Man upside down arms.
Loose a look of.

316
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:46,280
Strange peace on his face.
She nods, understanding.

317
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,240
Surrender.
Let go, trust the.

318
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,800
Fall.
After a moment, she cracks the

319
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,720
window, let's the humidity in
and waits.

320
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,960
For the day to pass by the.
Time The sun angles red through

321
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,080
the city's haze.
The backseat.

322
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:06,319
Of the Impala smells like sage
and sweat and the slow funk of

323
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:08,760
candle wax melting against
plastic.

324
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,000
Nettie works in silence.
Every gesture deliberate.

325
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,800
She arranges.
The dashboard altar with.

326
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,920
Steady hands despite the
stiffness in her joints.

327
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:22,440
Left to right.
She lines up her warding candles

328
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,560
white and.
Blue wax.

329
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,280
Nubs pinched from the.
Supply she keeps stashed.

330
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,000
In an old shoebox.
Next come the three bundles.

331
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,960
Of dried herbs, Rosemary.
Basil and Roux.

332
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,080
Bought.
Cheap at the corner market, but

333
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:40,320
blessed by her own breath.
Just like Etta taught her, she

334
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,440
tucks the photo of.
Kiki behind the cluster of

335
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,640
candles.
It's the graduation.

336
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,560
Shot from last year.
Kiki in cap and gown.

337
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,800
A gap toothed.
Smile almost splitting her face.

338
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,560
Nettie had bought the studio
package.

339
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,960
The most expensive 1 and
insisted on a big print even

340
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,840
though she knew there was
nowhere to hang it.

341
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,400
Now the.
Picture is bowed.

342
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,400
From months of shuffling, the
edges creased.

343
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:09,120
But Kiki's eyes, her eyes are.
Stubborn, daring the world to

344
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,960
tell her no.
Nettie whispers.

345
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,760
The incantation under her.
Breath.

346
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,720
Voice so low.
Even Goldie doesn't twitch at

347
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:21,400
the sound protection for the
child of my blood fortune, for

348
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,000
the daughter of my bones.
Let the gates.

349
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,600
Open and the way.
Be clear spirits that walk.

350
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,800
Hear me, stand with her.
She repeats it 3.

351
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,400
Times then lights the first
candle and lets the flame catch

352
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:40,120
the way it burns.
Tall steady means the.

353
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,520
Words took root.
The car rocks slightly as.

354
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:48,000
Someone leans against the trunk.
Voices outside rise and fall.

355
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,480
Brah.
That's a whole vibe, I'm telling

356
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,560
you.
Then laughter.

357
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,560
Then music thudding from a
rolling.

358
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker Mardi.
Gras sequins face paint.

359
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,720
Feathers, some tourists, some
locals.

360
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,720
For a second.
Nettie feels the old ache.

361
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,400
The ache of missing out, of
being invisible in your own

362
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,880
home, but then the moment.
Passes you got.

363
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,000
What you need right here, woman.
Stop pining for things that

364
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:21,360
never loved you back.
She leans back, let's the

365
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,320
candlelight flicker over the
ceiling.

366
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,760
Goldie paces restless.
So, Nettie.

367
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,960
Cracks the window.
The sounds from Congo Square

368
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,800
drift in drums.
Laughter, the pop pop of early

369
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,640
fireworks.
Impatient revellers setting off

370
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,080
bottle rockets and M 80s.
The city.

371
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,560
Too drunk to wait for midnight,
Night is coming fast.

372
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,760
She digs the notebook from under
the seat, flips to a blank page

373
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,720
for 10 minutes.
She just stares at it.

374
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:53,480
Pen balanced on her knee, the
words want to come out in a

375
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,000
rush, but she makes them walk
instead.

376
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,040
Slow and careful each one.
Waited Kiki.

377
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,320
I know you going to be mad
finding this instead of me.

378
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,520
I know you got every.
Right, I tried to leave.

379
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,840
You better than I found you,
baby but sometimes the world

380
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,240
don't give us the story we.
Want It's nobody's fault.

381
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,920
But mine?
I lost the shop.

382
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,560
Wasn't the storm, wasn't the
white folks, wasn't even the

383
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,320
city.
I could have asked for help, but

384
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,280
I was proud.
Stupid.

385
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:30,440
Maybe I slept in the car.
Because it was all I had left.

386
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,320
That was mine.
I want you to know this.

387
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,440
Every single day you woke up and
made me smile.

388
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,400
You saved me.
I mean it, even if I never said

389
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,280
so.
All those times I acted like it

390
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,360
was no big deal.
Just know it was everything to

391
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:49,000
me.
You got to be strong now, Kiki.

392
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,440
You got to finish what I
started.

393
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,760
Take care of the dog.
Trust your own heart, even when

394
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,840
it's breaking.
I'm sorry I'm not there to see

395
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,880
you do the next big thing, but
I'll be watching.

396
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,320
Always Etta.
Said the ancestors.

397
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,680
Walk with us.
And now I know it's true.

398
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,480
I'll be right over your shoulder
every step.

399
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,120
Love, Mama.
She folds.

400
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:18,760
The letter careful and tight and
slips it into her purse

401
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,560
alongside her ID and Kiki's
phone number, the old Polaroid

402
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,400
of her and.
Kiki at Jazz Fest.

403
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,560
Both of them sunburned and.
Happy.

404
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,520
She presses her lips together.
Holds the bundle to her chest

405
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,440
for a second before letting it.
Go, she checks.

406
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,080
Herself in the mirror,
straightens her collar, smooths

407
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,720
her hair, wipes the sweat from
her forehead.

408
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,520
She's never looked more like her
own mother.

409
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:45,160
Face set.
Hard jawline.

410
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,480
Stubborn.
Eyes a little too bright.

411
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,600
If you're going to go out, might
as well go out looking yourself.

412
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,480
She.
Breathes in through her nose,

413
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:58,880
slow and deep, and blows out the
candle with a single decisive.

414
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,160
Puff Goldie lays her.
Head on, Nettie's knee content.

415
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,360
For a few minutes everything is
quiet, a stillness between the

416
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,080
clamor of the street and the
fear in her chest.

417
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:16,960
Then far off the church bells
chime the half hour she is

418
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,720
almost ready.
Night in Treme moves in tidal

419
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,320
surges by 9:00 PM the.
Street outside is a.

420
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,600
Parade bodies in sequins.
Lit up by sparklers.

421
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,880
Cheap champagne popping under
the church.

422
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,320
Bells.
Goldie alternates between

423
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,000
sleeping and standing sentry by
the window, ears flicking with

424
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,880
every distant firecracker.
Nettie lies curled on the.

425
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,120
Seat, her cheek pressed to the
cool.

426
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,800
Vinyl at first.
The pain is.

427
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,320
Dull a slow twist.
Under the breastbone, something

428
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,400
she's learned to ride out.
But as the hour crawls, it

429
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,720
builds needle jabs that steal
her breath.

430
00:22:56,120 --> 00:23:00,880
Muscles locking tight with each
spasm, she counts through them

431
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,240
in the silence between the riot
of the street and her own ragged

432
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,240
inhale.
It's just another spell.

433
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,000
You've had worse.
She remembers Etta's Home Remedy

434
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:14,920
3 slow.
Breaths.

435
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,240
Press the.
Root of your thumb to the spot.

436
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,440
Picture the blood untangling.
Itself like river weeds that

437
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,480
used to help.
Not tonight.

438
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,360
Tonight.
Her hands shake.

439
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,840
And.
Sweat her heart.

440
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,320
Stuttering in her.
Chest like a bad spark plug.

441
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,920
She considers texting Kiki
again.

442
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,640
But deletes the draft.
Better to let her remember you

443
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:41,640
as strong unbreakable instead.
She scrolls through old

444
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,120
pictures.
Kiki as a toddler.

445
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,800
Sticky.
With beignet sugar, the two of

446
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:51,280
them at City Park, arm in arm,
matching smiles for a minute.

447
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,920
Nettie laughs, the sound
surprising.

448
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:58,480
Her a bark of.
Defiance against the world at

449
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:03,200
11:16 PM, her phone buzzes
Jermaine again, I'm.

450
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,720
Here where you at?
Starting to worry.

451
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,320
She types back.
Fingers numb and heavy.

452
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,560
Running a little late.
Wait, for me, it's easier to let

453
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,600
someone down by.
Degrees outside the world

454
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,560
ratchets up.
Fireworks explode early.

455
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,000
Illegal.
Roman candles and cherry bombs

456
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,200
shattering the black sky into
strobe lit fragments.

457
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:33,840
The window glass vibrates with
music bounce brass voices in

458
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,360
every.
Key the.

459
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,960
Tower of Saint Augustine glows
in the reflected.

460
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,840
Bursts a lighthouse for a
shipwrecked city.

461
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,040
Nettie sits up.
Pushes her hair back and wipes

462
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,200
her palms on her pants.
She tries the door.

463
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,920
But her body won't cooperate.
Her legs dangle.

464
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,600
Useless over the threshold, the
cold.

465
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,400
Air from the cracked window
tingles her skin.

466
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:03,320
The pain crests, sharp and
total, a vise closing around her

467
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,720
ribs.
She can't breathe.

468
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,880
The air won't come.
Her left arm goes numb, fingers

469
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,120
tingling like they've been
dipped in ice water.

470
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,880
She gasps, tries to call for
Goldie, but it.

471
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,120
Comes out as a.
Rasp.

472
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,360
Her hands.
Claw for the dashboard, the

473
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:24,440
letter to Kiki.
Slipping to the floor, she

474
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,000
thinks of.
Etta of the.

475
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,720
Kitchen on Iberville, cardamom
and coffee and the old woman's.

476
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,160
Laugh like a church.
Bell.

477
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,320
She thinks of her daughter.
Kiki at every age.

478
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,000
From birth to tonight.
The whole story of her cradled.

479
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,600
In a single heartbeat, she
thinks of Jermaine waiting for

480
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,360
her in the square, not knowing
the last thing she sees is.

481
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:51,480
The dog's wide.
Wet eyes at exactly 11:47 PM,

482
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,080
with the city howling toward
midnight, Nettie bows her head

483
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,160
and let's herself go.
The world narrows.

484
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:03,040
Blue white flashes the chemical
sting of fear, then a widening

485
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,520
blackness that is neither kind
nor cruel.

486
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,760
Her.
Breath feathers the air.

487
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:12,760
One final time, Goldie,
confused, pause, her arm

488
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:17,680
whining, licks the salt from
Nettie's hand and whimpers, not

489
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,720
understanding the stillness.
The fireworks reach their peak,

490
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,800
the.
Impala glows gold in the

491
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,680
aftershock, The inside of the
windshield a shifting canvas of

492
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,000
light.
Nettie's eyes are.

493
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,640
Open unblinking.
Fixed on the explosion above.

494
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,240
If there is an afterlife, it
comes disguised as the night sky

495
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,880
over Congo Square A.
Riot of color, a taste of.

496
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,760
Freedom and the dog's head heavy
in her lap.

497
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,720
Outside, the city forgets
itself.

498
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,240
Inside the car, everything is
finally silent.

499
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,360
That was chapter. 6 of death
apnea.

500
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,360
No tears for black girls.
Case files.

501
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:03,280
Written by JC Reedberg I want to
sit in this for just a moment

502
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,080
before I let you.
Go what?

503
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:09,160
Makes Nettie's story land the
way it does is not the death, it

504
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,600
is the morning before the death.
It is the toothbrush with

505
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,760
displayed bristles.
The prescriptions folded into

506
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,160
the glove box next to the
expired insurance.

507
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,320
Card the Tower card.
Showing up for the third day in

508
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,120
a row and her nodding at it like
she already knew.

509
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,840
The letter to Kiki that she
folds tight.

510
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,920
And tucks next to her ID just in
case the candle she.

511
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,960
Lights over the dashboard altar.
The text she.

512
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,960
Sends Jermaine telling him she
is on her way when she already

513
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,760
knows she is not going to make
it.

514
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,200
Nettie did not die because
nobody cared about her Nettie.

515
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,960
Died.
Because the systems that should

516
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,680
have.
Caught her the healthcare.

517
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,240
System, the housing system, the
economic.

518
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,920
Structures that swallowed.
Her family's business and called

519
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,760
it market rate.
All of them looked right at her

520
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,560
and kept moving.
She was not invisible.

521
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,680
She was ignored.
There is a difference, and it is

522
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,400
important.
There are Nettie's in every city

523
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,120
right now, women sleeping in
cars and parking lots behind

524
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:11,400
shuttered churches, rationing
blood pressure medication lying

525
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:12,600
to their.
Daughters about where?

526
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,640
They are living because pride is
sometimes the only thing left

527
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,360
that belongs entirely.
To you.

528
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,760
Women whose hearts are under
constant strain and who cannot

529
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,120
afford the machine that would
help them breathe in their

530
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:27,080
sleep.
Women who are writing letters

531
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,680
they hope no one ever has to
read.

532
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,920
The full story of what?
Happens to Nettie after that

533
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,000
parking lot what the system
does.

534
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,320
With her body?
What?

535
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,240
Her daughter?
Kiki does when the hospital

536
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:41,160
won't give her answers what
Samantha and JC find when they

537
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,600
start pulling at the threads of
a pattern that goes back 400.

538
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,040
Years that.
Story is in Death Apnea and I

539
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,120
need you to hear this next part
clearly.

540
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,480
If.
You go to Death Apnea's page on

541
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,360
Amazon Kindle today, March 25th.
The digital edition is

542
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:57,960
completely free.
Not a.

543
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,920
Trial not a catch.
Free today.

544
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,720
And if you have a Kindle
Unlimited subscription.

545
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:09,280
This book is free for you.
Indefinitely, anytime, any day.

546
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,240
Just search death apnea.
No tears for black.

547
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,240
Girls on Amazon and it will be
there waiting for you.

548
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,120
The paperback.
Edition is also available for

549
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,920
anyone who wants to hold this
story in their hands the way it.

550
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,400
Deserves to be held.
The link is in the show notes.

551
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,600
Go get it tonight, read the rest
of Nettie's.

552
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,920
Story Read What?
Kiki does when the hospital

553
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,160
turns her.
Away Read What?

554
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,760
Happens when Samantha and.
Jaycee start.

555
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,480
Pulling at the threads of a
system that has been swallowing

556
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,560
black women for centuries and
calling it protocol.

557
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,000
Nettie deserves a reader.
Who finishes her story?

558
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,440
Say her name?
Nettie Moreau.

559
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,280
This is no.
Tears for black girls.

560
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,560
I'm Samantha Paul.
Stay loved, stay safe and.

561
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,560
Remember, whenever you're
trapped in a World of Darkness,

562
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,240
Never.
Allow fear to.

563
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:07,760
Overwhelm you, Believe in your
inner spirit and remind yourself

564
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,200
of God.
'S first words let there be

565
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:10,720
light.