May 12, 2025
Underage & Expecting: Predators Hiding in Plain Sight
In this compelling episode of No Tears For Black Girls, host Samantha Paul invites listeners to engage with the transformative journey of Ashley, a remarkable survivor whose experiences illustrate both the personal and systemic challenges faced by many in our society. From a profoundly unsettling childhood marked by betrayal and silence to a powerful emergence as an advocate for change, Ashley's story is a testament to resilience and the pursuit of justice.
At a tender age of six, Ashley's world was turned upside down when someone she trusted shattered her sense of safety. Instead of receiving the support she desperately needed, she encountered skepticism and dismissal from those around her. As she navigated the complexities of her youth, Ashley faced mounting obstacles that would haunt her for years. With the intervention of a compassionate teacher at age twelve, what seemed to be a pivotal moment turned into another instance of lost opportunity, underscoring the systemic failures that often go unnoticed in our communities.
Over the course of three decades, Ashley's journey was fraught with familial struggles, societal stigma, and the frustrating delays of institutional responses. However, her indomitable spirit never wavered. It was on her thirtieth birthday that Ashley found renewed purpose, as long-buried truths came to light, reshaping her understanding of justice and healing. Driven by a desire to protect her child and uplift others who have experienced similar trauma, Ashley's advocacy work became a beacon of hope and empowerment.
Join us in this enlightening episode as we unpack the complexities of Ashley's experiences, exploring the profound impact of systemic gaps on individual lives, the power of community support, and the journey of reclaiming one's voice. Her story serves not only as a source of inspiration but also as a call to action for those seeking to understand and dismantle the barriers that perpetuate suffering. Tune in to hear how Ashley's courage and determination can inspire systemic change and foster a culture of accountability and support.
CREDITS:
Created, Written, & Produced by John Reedburg
Hosted & Narrated by Samantha Paul
Production Company: John Reedburg Media
SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS:
https://www.youtube.com/@NoTearsForBlacksGirls
facebook.com/notearsforblackgirls
instagram.com/notearsforblackgirls
tiktok.com/@notearsforblackgirls
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Welcome back to No Tears for
Black Girls, the podcast
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amplifying stories of courage
and systemic change.
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I'm your host, Samantha Paul,
and today we share the powerful
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journey of Ashley, a survivor
who turned personal struggles
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into advocacy despite facing
institutional gaps and societal
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barriers.
At six years old, someone she
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trusted disrupted Ashley's sense
of safety.
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Instead of support, she
encountered doubt and silence
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from those closest to her.
By age 11, her challenges
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intensified, leaving lasting
impacts on her well-being.
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At 12, a caring teacher noticed
signs of distress.
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But what should have been a
turning point led to missed
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opportunities for accountability
and years of unresolved
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questions.
Over 3 decades, Ashley navigated
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family complexities, societal
stigma, and systemic delays in
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addressing her case.
Yet her determination never
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dimmed.
On her 30th birthday, renewed
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efforts brought clarity to her
past, revealing truths that
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reshaped her understanding of
justice.
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Along the way, she discovered
strength and community support
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and channeled her experiences
into empowering others.
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This episode highlights how
systemic gaps, from fractured
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trust in families to
institutional inaction, can
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deepen pain, and how Ashley's
love for her child became a
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catalyst for healing.
Join us as she shares her story
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of perseverance, young
motherhood, and reclaiming her
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voice to inspire change.
Yeah, they were.
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They were suggesting that I get
an abortion still.
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Yeah.
So it was going to be a
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procedure where they use the
same method that they use for
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like lethal injection.
So they were going to take a
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needle and they were going to
put me in like the do they use
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the ultrasound and find the
heart and just penetrate the
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heart with the needle and it
stops the heart.
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And then I just give birth to a
stillborn.
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Sexual abuse and trauma
involving minors demands careful
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attention and understanding.
This account follows Ashley's
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harrowing journey through
childhood abuse, teenage
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pregnancy, and her eventual path
toward healing and justice,
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spanning several decades of her
life.
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The story begins when Ashley was
just six years old, experiencing
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her first encounter with sexual
abuse from her cousin.
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When her mother discovered the
incident, rather than receiving
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support, Ashley faced blame and
punishment from her grandmother,
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who was her legal guardian.
Because of her mother's mental
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health challenges.
This experience set a pattern of
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institutional failure that would
continue throughout her
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childhood.
The abuse escalated when Ashley
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turned 10, with her cousin, then
17, starting a pattern of
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nighttime assaults.
He would enter her room and lay
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his full body weight on her,
conducting acts of molestation
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without penetration.
However, after her 11th
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birthday, the abuse intensified
when her cousin sexually
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assaulted her during what
appeared to be innocent
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wrestling, causing significant
physical trauma that affected
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her well-being for years to
come.
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The incident left her unable to
eat comfortably until age 25 and
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created long lasting physical
and emotional trauma.
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A pivotal moment occurred when
Ashley was 12.
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Her cousin's 17 year old friend,
who had learned about the
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previous abuse, began showing an
interest in her through subtle
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hints and teasing.
One September day, when Ashley
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returned home early from school,
this friend sexually assaulted
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her.
Despite her protests and pain,
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he continued and she remained
silent, believing her
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grandmother wouldn't believe her
claims, a belief reinforced by
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previous experiences.
The discovery of her pregnancy
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came through an observant 7th
grade teacher who noticed
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physical changes.
At just 4 feet 5 inches tall and
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weighing 48 lbs, Ashley gave
birth without pain medication
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because of her young age.
Her baby weighed 6 lbs twelve oz
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and measured 19 inches long.
The hospital staff showed
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remarkable compassion, even
organizing a baby shower for
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her, providing a rare moment of
support during this challenging
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time.
The aftermath of the pregnancy
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revealed complex family
dynamics.
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Ashley's grandmother contacted
the perpetrator's mother, but
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instead of supporting Ashley,
they work to keep the situation
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quiet.
After his own mother reported
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him for lying about the
paternity rather than the
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assault, authorities arrested
the accused.
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They ordered ADNA test, but the
samples remained untested for 12
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years, leaving questions about
paternity unresolved.
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During her school years, Ashley
faced significant bullying and
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ostracism.
She recalls incidents where
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classmates would throw change
into her locker, mockingly
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calling it child support.
Despite these challenges, she
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attended parenting classes at
the hospital where she was the
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youngest participant, but found
acceptance and guidance from
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other mothers.
The resolution to the paternity
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question came on Ashley's 30th
birthday, when DNA results
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confirmed with 99.9999%
certainty the identity of her
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son's father.
This revelation led to
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confrontations with both the
perpetrator and his mother, who
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had denied any involvement.
During a video call with her
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abuser, he made disturbing
comments that revealed he had
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been aware of her cousin's
abuse, suggesting A calculated
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pattern of predatory behavior.
Throughout her ordeal, Ashley
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faced multiple systemic
failures.
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Her grandmother, who should have
been her protector, often sided
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with the abusers and even
coerced Ashley into making false
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statements that undermined her
credibility.
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The legal system failed to
properly investigate and process
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evidence that could have brought
earlier justice.
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Her father was absent from age
5, and a brief reconnection at
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age 13 proved unsuccessful.
The impact of this trauma
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affected Ashley's relationships
into adulthood.
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She notes that her past
experiences often attracted
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partners who sought to maintain
her vulnerability rather than
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support her growth.
However, she emphasizes she has
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no regrets about keeping her
child, describing their
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relationship as one bright spot
in her difficult journey.
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Their relationship evolved from
feeling like playing with a doll
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to a deep, meaningful bond that
helped her heal the
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perpetrators.
Eventual exposure came through
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his girlfriend, who discovered
his past and shared his
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information online, including
his picture.
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This public revelation served as
a form of delayed justice,
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though it couldn't undo the
years of trauma and silence
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Ashley endured.
Ashley story illuminates several
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critical issues.
The importance of believing
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survivors.
The need for proper support
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systems for young victims of
abuse and the significance of
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DNA evidence in achieving
justice.
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Her experience also highlights
how institutional failures can
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compound trauma while
demonstrating the resilience of
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survivors.
Today, Ashley shares her story
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to raise awareness about
childhood sexual abuse, incest,
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and teenage pregnancy.
Her message emphasizes the
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importance of breaking silence
around abuse and the potential
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damage of forcing victims to
keep quiet.
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When asked what she would tell
her younger self, her response
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is simple but powerful.
I love you.
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Her journey from victim to
survivor and advocate shows the
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possibility of healing and
seeking justice even years after
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the initial trauma.
This case underscores the
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complex intersections of family
dynamics, justice system
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responses, and long term trauma
recovery.
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It serves as both a warning
about the prevalence of
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childhood sexual abuse and a
testament to the possibility of
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healing and seeking justice.
Even years after the initial
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trauma.
Ashley's story continues to
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affect others, encouraging
survivors to speak up and seek
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the support they deserve.
First started when I was 6 by a
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family member who's a cousin.
It didn't go as far as like, you
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know, in a scary way because my
mom walked in and she ended up
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catching him.
But when I was brought to my
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caregiver, which is my legal
guard guardian, which is not my
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mom, it's my grandmother,
instead of her asking questions
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and wanting to, you know, get
insight on what happened to me
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or what was going on, I was
blamed and also whooped.
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And the more she kept asking me
what's going on, I told her the
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truth, but she kept whooping me.
And I just, you know, I felt
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like I had, I guess I had to lie
and say nothing was happening.
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Right.
So and this was a cousin.
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Yes, he was.
This the first time anything he
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tried to do anything, was he
that was.
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The first time that he tried to
do something, that was the first
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time, yes.
And and your mother?
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Why wasn't your mother your
legal guardian, your caretaker?
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My mom is considered by the
state incompetent to raise a
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child and she had two which is
me and my older brother so she
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they deemed her cognitive as far
as like mentally wise.
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So the state gave legal custody,
more guardianship of my brother
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to my grandmother until we were
18.
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OK, so with your cousin, does
this continue?
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Does he come back around?
Yes, he comes back once I turn
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10 1/2 and that's when it when
it started at night when I was
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sleeping.
What would he do?
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He would come in my room and lay
lay like on top of me, like his
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whole body weight on top of me
and just thrust until he left
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his.
Yeah.
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Yeah.
And on me, OK, So I was more so
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just like it was more so the
arousal part for him and the
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release, right.
So there is no penetration.
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It's more so just molestation,
right?
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It's like sexual misconduct,
right?
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With a child.
How old is he?
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He was at that time. 17. 17 and
you were ten.
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I was. 10 1/2 yes. 10 1/2 and so
he's not actually penetrating
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you, you say going inside of
you, but just like on your body
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sexual.
Experience, yes.
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At what point does he penetrate
you?
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So that happened after my 11th
birthday.
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We were like family was over and
we were like play wrestling like
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normal, you know, family, you
know, cousins and stuff like
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that.
And I had on a dress and we were
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like wrestling and stuff like
that.
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And he had came and grabbed me
from behind and I'm thinking
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like, you know, he's going to
like, you know, do some
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wrestling, you know.
And I know he was like holding
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on to me and pulling his pants
down at the same time.
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And when he got my undergarments
down he were was trying to
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penetrate but because I was
wiggling he end up piercing my
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anus and I end up having trauma
there.
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So now from him, it's just just
a monstrous act from OK, he
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continues.
What kind of complications did
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you have as a result of I was?
Scared to like, believe myself.
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Does it hurt?
So you were unable to move your
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valves?
Yeah, so bad.
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Want to take a break?
Let's take a break later down
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the line, maybe a year.
I guess your cousin talks about
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what he had been doing to you
with a friend.
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Talk to me about what happens
next.
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00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:45,920
Well, his friend, it was
actually my brother's friend, my
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brother vouched for him to come
into the house and be a part of
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our, you know, little family.
And my cousin, you know, they
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all was like, it was just the
three of them and they all hung
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out and stuff like that.
So he made him aware of what he
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was doing, but it was only
because he was, he brought him
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in to my room one night and I
woke up and I saw both of them
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in my room and I told him, what
do you do?
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Get out of my room and stuff
like that?
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And at that time, I, I didn't
know if the conversation or
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anything.
I just knew that he would do
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little, you know, subtle things.
I I guess to say, you know, he
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likes me or whatever, right?
Right.
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00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,240
Right, but.
He was older, right?
219
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,680
So I didn't.
How old was he?
220
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,240
17 as well.
Yeah, OK.
221
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:43,800
And you were at this time I.
Was 12/12 yes and he just made
222
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:49,160
like subtle hints.
OK, subtle hints, but never,
223
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,080
never was like touching you,
violating you or anything like
224
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:52,640
that.
No, I was.
225
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:59,200
Just like more so like kind of
coming coming down to my age
226
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,240
level mentality.
Yeah.
227
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,320
It's like doing little, you
know, like how they say like
228
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,600
offer boy likes you, he hits you
right, right, right.
229
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,680
You know, So it was like little
things like that, like, you
230
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,320
know, like, you know, say
something about my parents or.
231
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,800
Right.
Pick on you, Yeah.
232
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,360
When did you get home early from
school?
233
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,560
I got it was September.
It was in September.
234
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:28,680
It was like the beginning of the
school year and I got home on my
235
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:33,760
like my brother was supposed to
meet me and he he didn't.
236
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,320
So I walked.
I end up walking home from
237
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:40,400
school that day and I didn't
know anybody wasn't home.
238
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:45,000
So when I rung the doorbell,
instead of my brother not answer
239
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,560
the door was his friend who
answered and let me in.
240
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:54,240
And I'm getting undressed out of
my school clothes and, you know,
241
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:59,040
and going to settle down and get
ready, you know, do my homework
242
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,440
and stuff like that.
Before my grandmother, my mother
243
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:07,840
came home and he had came in my
room while I was getting
244
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:15,480
undressed.
And he had like not pushed, but
245
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:23,680
like, you know, guided me down
on the bed and he went and did
246
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:32,880
oral 1st and then that's when he
went and inserted and and it
247
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:37,800
was, it was painful and I told
him to stop and because it was
248
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:43,520
hurting.
And now he just kept going and I
249
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:48,400
never spoke about it or said
anything and to anybody because
250
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,400
it was more.
So I got to that point where it
251
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,560
was like, if, you know, my
grandmother doesn't didn't
252
00:16:54,560 --> 00:17:00,080
believe me when my cousin was,
you know, violating me, then
253
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,960
she's not going to believe this,
right?
254
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:08,680
So I just kept it to myself up
until I found out I was
255
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,720
pregnant.
Did your cousin ever penetrate
256
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,960
you vaginally?
No, just the aim.
257
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:31,440
And OK.
What happened when you first
258
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:37,520
told your grandmother about your
cousin penetrating you anally?
259
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:45,720
She told me that I was lying.
No repercussions.
260
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:51,440
No, she told me that I was lying
and she never even wondered why
261
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,200
I wouldn't sit down and eat.
And your cousin, I thought I.
262
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,040
Was being with those.
Right.
263
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,640
And your and your cousin stopped
coming back around after that.
264
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,560
So this incident happens now
with your cousin's friend or
265
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:12,800
your brother's friend rather.
He takes off after you stay at
266
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,480
home and you just kind of what's
going through your mind.
267
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:20,880
A 12 year old kid.
I kind of blocked it out.
268
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,440
I didn't just, you know, kind of
just happened.
269
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,600
You know, this thing just
happens.
270
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,880
You know, just you tell yourself
it happens.
271
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,840
You were kind of used to the
abuse.
272
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:39,360
Yeah, Especially because.
Well, when you get beat, not to
273
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,880
not tell the truth, you just
kind of you kind of just like
274
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,640
young like compartmentalize a
lot of things of.
275
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,720
Course, you kind of just.
Sit there because you have
276
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,560
important, you have other
things, you know, like at
277
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:58,520
school, so.
At what point do you realize
278
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:06,400
that you're pregnant?
Well, I didn't know 'cause I
279
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,960
know I wasn't even in a grade
where they were teaching about
280
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,160
and, you know, the anatomy or.
The body I didn't even.
281
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,480
Touch that, that subject.
So I knew nothing.
282
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,360
I didn't even know what a period
was.
283
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:26,240
So I couldn't even, I couldn't
even go and say, hey, there's
284
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:29,240
something different about my
body because I'm just thinking
285
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,560
like, you know, you're a kid,
you're growing, you're getting
286
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,160
fat at first, you know, it's
like, OK, I'm not eating
287
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,520
anything.
I'm not getting fat.
288
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,560
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that's where that came in
289
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,160
as.
Yeah.
290
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,920
You know, a lot of things ran
through my mind like, oh man,
291
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,560
you know, he could have tore
something.
292
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,440
Right, right.
Go to.
293
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,360
The doctor's or something, you
know, I just, there's a lot of
294
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,800
things.
At 12 years old, had you even
295
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,400
started your menstrual?
No.
296
00:19:53,560 --> 00:20:02,680
You didn't.
Well, he impregnated me like in
297
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,200
the just like in the time frame
of when they were supposed to
298
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:12,000
start.
I like I just turned 12 so so it
299
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:19,400
didn't even start.
You told me you hadn't had a
300
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,200
period until you were 24 years
old.
301
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,480
Yeah.
How?
302
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:32,560
Well, with the doctors telling
me that, you know, my body kind
303
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:37,920
of going in a different
direction reverse almost like,
304
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:43,840
so consulting with like, you
know, my like medical team
305
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,600
people that I, you know, I
trusted, like, you know, you
306
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,640
kind of things are going to
start differently.
307
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,160
It's not going to start when you
need to.
308
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:57,360
So I think I was like, you know,
my body was going through like a
309
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:02,600
grown phase and it didn't know
how to just, it didn't know how
310
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,240
to get back in line.
He offset something, Yeah, yeah.
311
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:11,520
Mm hmm.
I've never heard anything like
312
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:16,800
this.
Well, just the lining.
313
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,560
Also, I was young so everything
stretched.
314
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:27,000
Hey, you, you, you told me about
all the things that your your
315
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,040
body had to sort of fast track.
Yeah.
316
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,880
To to to grow a baby.
To grow a baby.
317
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,200
Yeah.
And then after I gave birth,
318
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,920
that's what I had to kind of,
you know, take my medical series
319
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,480
as far as like steroid shots.
Steroid shots things can.
320
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,800
You know, just wrap it so that
things like in my body can
321
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,400
speed.
Up right.
322
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:00,800
OK, how do you find out that
you're pregnant again?
323
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,840
You said you were you.
You were wondering how you were
324
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,480
getting bigger, but you wasn't
eating.
325
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,120
You was like wondering what's
going on?
326
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,920
How do you actually find out
you're pregnant?
327
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:18,000
Actually, my 7th grade teacher
reached out to my caregiver and
328
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:22,160
just, you know, suggested that,
you know, I do that.
329
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:28,920
I get, you know, a visit like a
physical for school and stuff
330
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,960
like that.
And, you know, she was like
331
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,520
watching my like watching me
like play and I had rolled my
332
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,120
belly in a way or like we were
dancing with kids and stuff like
333
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:42,080
that.
And she saw a bulge, A bulge
334
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,760
like in like here in the, in the
May section area.
335
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,800
That was not normal and that's
what made her, you know, jump to
336
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,840
that conclusion that you need to
check her out and stuff like
337
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,720
that.
So once I left school that day,
338
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:07,560
my mom, my mom took me straight
to the clinic and I did a few
339
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,960
piss in the cup and stuff like
that, like they asked me to.
340
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,880
And then I sat in the waiting
room for a while and then they
341
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,000
called me back into the room.
And then they said to me that I
342
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,040
was pregnant and I was just
like, I what like.
343
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:31,560
As atrocious as the crime was,
is almost as fascinating as this
344
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,240
journey of pregnancy was as
well.
345
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,160
I.
Didn't experience it from start
346
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:42,800
to finish because I didn't know
right, but when I did find out
347
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,440
and they told me, there was even
more of a shock.
348
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,040
So you rolled the belly and your
baby hit back.
349
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:56,800
I'm here.
So and your teacher just said
350
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,160
that's not right?
Yeah, something.
351
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,880
'S not right, yeah.
That's not that's not the any.
352
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,320
Arms.
But my belly's like, like, what
353
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,520
is that?
Yeah, yeah, that's not your
354
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:10,360
lunch.
OK, OK, OK.
355
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:18,920
So in my mind, you go to you
gave birth in the hospital.
356
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,480
Yeah.
You're walking a 12 year old
357
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,560
through the hospital preparing
for labor.
358
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,160
Are people not looking like?
Well, I was actually going for
359
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,280
check UPS for the last two
months that I had.
360
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,560
I was like, it was really hard,
you know, with people staring
361
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:43,040
and wanting to know how old I am
and like you just looks like a
362
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,160
baby, you know, you get that all
the time and stuff like that.
363
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:52,360
But one thing that did kind of
make me feel, you know,
364
00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:57,400
comfortable the, the hospital
wasn't they, they were, they
365
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,120
were making sure that they kept
an eye on me and they threw me a
366
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,680
baby shower.
So that kind of made me excited.
367
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,160
What, you know, even though, you
know, you're 12 years old,
368
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,600
you're like, I'm expecting a
baby.
369
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:13,440
And it's like, no, so, but they
saw how like overwhelmed I was.
370
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:18,920
So my last doctor's visit they
threw me a baby shower and they
371
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,520
they furnished everything and
they brought everything like
372
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,080
clothes from infant to like when
it turned like 2 years old.
373
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:32,040
So how'd that make you feel?
Well, it made me feel supported
374
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:38,200
and that someone cares, right?
Right.
375
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,840
Yeah, so.
And they stayed in touch with
376
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,720
me.
Thanks for listening to No Tears
377
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,280
for Black Girls.
If you enjoyed our show, please
378
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,600
take a moment to leave us a five
star rating, hit that subscribe
379
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,280
button and give us a follow on
social media.
380
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,440
Your support means the world to
us and helps us continue sharing
381
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:04,640
these important stories.
Stay blessed, stay loved and
382
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:10,240
most importantly, stay safe.
Peace and love to you all.
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,560
Welcome back to No Tears for
Black Girls, the podcast
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,840
amplifying stories of courage
and systemic change.
3
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,240
I'm your host, Samantha Paul,
and today we share the powerful
4
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,160
journey of Ashley, a survivor
who turned personal struggles
5
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,800
into advocacy despite facing
institutional gaps and societal
6
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,080
barriers.
At six years old, someone she
7
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:25,680
trusted disrupted Ashley's sense
of safety.
8
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,680
Instead of support, she
encountered doubt and silence
9
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:34,280
from those closest to her.
By age 11, her challenges
10
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,680
intensified, leaving lasting
impacts on her well-being.
11
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,080
At 12, a caring teacher noticed
signs of distress.
12
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,800
But what should have been a
turning point led to missed
13
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,280
opportunities for accountability
and years of unresolved
14
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,320
questions.
Over 3 decades, Ashley navigated
15
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:56,800
family complexities, societal
stigma, and systemic delays in
16
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,080
addressing her case.
Yet her determination never
17
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,280
dimmed.
On her 30th birthday, renewed
18
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,120
efforts brought clarity to her
past, revealing truths that
19
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,240
reshaped her understanding of
justice.
20
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,440
Along the way, she discovered
strength and community support
21
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,000
and channeled her experiences
into empowering others.
22
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,400
This episode highlights how
systemic gaps, from fractured
23
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,840
trust in families to
institutional inaction, can
24
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,640
deepen pain, and how Ashley's
love for her child became a
25
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:33,200
catalyst for healing.
Join us as she shares her story
26
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,600
of perseverance, young
motherhood, and reclaiming her
27
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:41,080
voice to inspire change.
Yeah, they were.
28
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,880
They were suggesting that I get
an abortion still.
29
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,000
Yeah.
So it was going to be a
30
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:52,120
procedure where they use the
same method that they use for
31
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:56,120
like lethal injection.
So they were going to take a
32
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,880
needle and they were going to
put me in like the do they use
33
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:03,120
the ultrasound and find the
heart and just penetrate the
34
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,880
heart with the needle and it
stops the heart.
35
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,160
And then I just give birth to a
stillborn.
36
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:14,800
Sexual abuse and trauma
involving minors demands careful
37
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,440
attention and understanding.
This account follows Ashley's
38
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,520
harrowing journey through
childhood abuse, teenage
39
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:25,280
pregnancy, and her eventual path
toward healing and justice,
40
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,480
spanning several decades of her
life.
41
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:32,480
The story begins when Ashley was
just six years old, experiencing
42
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,040
her first encounter with sexual
abuse from her cousin.
43
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,080
When her mother discovered the
incident, rather than receiving
44
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,280
support, Ashley faced blame and
punishment from her grandmother,
45
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,320
who was her legal guardian.
Because of her mother's mental
46
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,840
health challenges.
This experience set a pattern of
47
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,160
institutional failure that would
continue throughout her
48
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,520
childhood.
The abuse escalated when Ashley
49
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,800
turned 10, with her cousin, then
17, starting a pattern of
50
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:05,280
nighttime assaults.
He would enter her room and lay
51
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,120
his full body weight on her,
conducting acts of molestation
52
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:13,480
without penetration.
However, after her 11th
53
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:17,400
birthday, the abuse intensified
when her cousin sexually
54
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,360
assaulted her during what
appeared to be innocent
55
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:24,400
wrestling, causing significant
physical trauma that affected
56
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,320
her well-being for years to
come.
57
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,520
The incident left her unable to
eat comfortably until age 25 and
58
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,640
created long lasting physical
and emotional trauma.
59
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,320
A pivotal moment occurred when
Ashley was 12.
60
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,880
Her cousin's 17 year old friend,
who had learned about the
61
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,520
previous abuse, began showing an
interest in her through subtle
62
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:49,720
hints and teasing.
One September day, when Ashley
63
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,480
returned home early from school,
this friend sexually assaulted
64
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,360
her.
Despite her protests and pain,
65
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,880
he continued and she remained
silent, believing her
66
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,600
grandmother wouldn't believe her
claims, a belief reinforced by
67
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,520
previous experiences.
The discovery of her pregnancy
68
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,600
came through an observant 7th
grade teacher who noticed
69
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,640
physical changes.
At just 4 feet 5 inches tall and
70
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,640
weighing 48 lbs, Ashley gave
birth without pain medication
71
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,760
because of her young age.
Her baby weighed 6 lbs twelve oz
72
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:26,840
and measured 19 inches long.
The hospital staff showed
73
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,400
remarkable compassion, even
organizing a baby shower for
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00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,960
her, providing a rare moment of
support during this challenging
75
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,040
time.
The aftermath of the pregnancy
76
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,360
revealed complex family
dynamics.
77
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,000
Ashley's grandmother contacted
the perpetrator's mother, but
78
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,200
instead of supporting Ashley,
they work to keep the situation
79
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,080
quiet.
After his own mother reported
80
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,680
him for lying about the
paternity rather than the
81
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,320
assault, authorities arrested
the accused.
82
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:59,040
They ordered ADNA test, but the
samples remained untested for 12
83
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,400
years, leaving questions about
paternity unresolved.
84
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,000
During her school years, Ashley
faced significant bullying and
85
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,960
ostracism.
She recalls incidents where
86
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:13,160
classmates would throw change
into her locker, mockingly
87
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,600
calling it child support.
Despite these challenges, she
88
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,680
attended parenting classes at
the hospital where she was the
89
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,040
youngest participant, but found
acceptance and guidance from
90
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,120
other mothers.
The resolution to the paternity
91
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,360
question came on Ashley's 30th
birthday, when DNA results
92
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:37,200
confirmed with 99.9999%
certainty the identity of her
93
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,280
son's father.
This revelation led to
94
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,960
confrontations with both the
perpetrator and his mother, who
95
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,760
had denied any involvement.
During a video call with her
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00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,920
abuser, he made disturbing
comments that revealed he had
97
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,640
been aware of her cousin's
abuse, suggesting A calculated
98
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:59,280
pattern of predatory behavior.
Throughout her ordeal, Ashley
99
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,400
faced multiple systemic
failures.
100
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,880
Her grandmother, who should have
been her protector, often sided
101
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,560
with the abusers and even
coerced Ashley into making false
102
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,280
statements that undermined her
credibility.
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00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,040
The legal system failed to
properly investigate and process
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00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,720
evidence that could have brought
earlier justice.
105
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,480
Her father was absent from age
5, and a brief reconnection at
106
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,840
age 13 proved unsuccessful.
The impact of this trauma
107
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,800
affected Ashley's relationships
into adulthood.
108
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,360
She notes that her past
experiences often attracted
109
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,840
partners who sought to maintain
her vulnerability rather than
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00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:42,640
support her growth.
However, she emphasizes she has
111
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,720
no regrets about keeping her
child, describing their
112
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,960
relationship as one bright spot
in her difficult journey.
113
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,120
Their relationship evolved from
feeling like playing with a doll
114
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:57,480
to a deep, meaningful bond that
helped her heal the
115
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,640
perpetrators.
Eventual exposure came through
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00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,720
his girlfriend, who discovered
his past and shared his
117
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,560
information online, including
his picture.
118
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,800
This public revelation served as
a form of delayed justice,
119
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,960
though it couldn't undo the
years of trauma and silence
120
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,880
Ashley endured.
Ashley story illuminates several
121
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,520
critical issues.
The importance of believing
122
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,840
survivors.
The need for proper support
123
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,320
systems for young victims of
abuse and the significance of
124
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,440
DNA evidence in achieving
justice.
125
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,680
Her experience also highlights
how institutional failures can
126
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,800
compound trauma while
demonstrating the resilience of
127
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,680
survivors.
Today, Ashley shares her story
128
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,640
to raise awareness about
childhood sexual abuse, incest,
129
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,920
and teenage pregnancy.
Her message emphasizes the
130
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,720
importance of breaking silence
around abuse and the potential
131
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,160
damage of forcing victims to
keep quiet.
132
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,480
When asked what she would tell
her younger self, her response
133
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:01,000
is simple but powerful.
I love you.
134
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,680
Her journey from victim to
survivor and advocate shows the
135
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:09,960
possibility of healing and
seeking justice even years after
136
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,360
the initial trauma.
This case underscores the
137
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:17,760
complex intersections of family
dynamics, justice system
138
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,000
responses, and long term trauma
recovery.
139
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,520
It serves as both a warning
about the prevalence of
140
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,360
childhood sexual abuse and a
testament to the possibility of
141
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,840
healing and seeking justice.
Even years after the initial
142
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,200
trauma.
Ashley's story continues to
143
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,960
affect others, encouraging
survivors to speak up and seek
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00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:49,040
the support they deserve.
First started when I was 6 by a
145
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:58,720
family member who's a cousin.
It didn't go as far as like, you
146
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,720
know, in a scary way because my
mom walked in and she ended up
147
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:07,720
catching him.
But when I was brought to my
148
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,280
caregiver, which is my legal
guard guardian, which is not my
149
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:16,080
mom, it's my grandmother,
instead of her asking questions
150
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,800
and wanting to, you know, get
insight on what happened to me
151
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:25,000
or what was going on, I was
blamed and also whooped.
152
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,560
And the more she kept asking me
what's going on, I told her the
153
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:34,840
truth, but she kept whooping me.
And I just, you know, I felt
154
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,680
like I had, I guess I had to lie
and say nothing was happening.
155
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,960
Right.
So and this was a cousin.
156
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,560
Yes, he was.
This the first time anything he
157
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,840
tried to do anything, was he
that was.
158
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,400
The first time that he tried to
do something, that was the first
159
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,280
time, yes.
And and your mother?
160
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:54,000
Why wasn't your mother your
legal guardian, your caretaker?
161
00:09:55,160 --> 00:10:01,640
My mom is considered by the
state incompetent to raise a
162
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:08,400
child and she had two which is
me and my older brother so she
163
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,360
they deemed her cognitive as far
as like mentally wise.
164
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:20,160
So the state gave legal custody,
more guardianship of my brother
165
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,680
to my grandmother until we were
18.
166
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,080
OK, so with your cousin, does
this continue?
167
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,480
Does he come back around?
Yes, he comes back once I turn
168
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:36,760
10 1/2 and that's when it when
it started at night when I was
169
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,680
sleeping.
What would he do?
170
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:46,840
He would come in my room and lay
lay like on top of me, like his
171
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:54,640
whole body weight on top of me
and just thrust until he left
172
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,160
his.
Yeah.
173
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,760
Yeah.
And on me, OK, So I was more so
174
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:07,080
just like it was more so the
arousal part for him and the
175
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,280
release, right.
So there is no penetration.
176
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,840
It's more so just molestation,
right?
177
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,120
It's like sexual misconduct,
right?
178
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,560
With a child.
How old is he?
179
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,760
He was at that time. 17. 17 and
you were ten.
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00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:30,680
I was. 10 1/2 yes. 10 1/2 and so
he's not actually penetrating
181
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:35,120
you, you say going inside of
you, but just like on your body
182
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,680
sexual.
Experience, yes.
183
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,240
At what point does he penetrate
you?
184
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,280
So that happened after my 11th
birthday.
185
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:50,200
We were like family was over and
we were like play wrestling like
186
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,880
normal, you know, family, you
know, cousins and stuff like
187
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:59,600
that.
And I had on a dress and we were
188
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,000
like wrestling and stuff like
that.
189
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:05,280
And he had came and grabbed me
from behind and I'm thinking
190
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,080
like, you know, he's going to
like, you know, do some
191
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,680
wrestling, you know.
And I know he was like holding
192
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,760
on to me and pulling his pants
down at the same time.
193
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:19,400
And when he got my undergarments
down he were was trying to
194
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:24,120
penetrate but because I was
wiggling he end up piercing my
195
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,880
anus and I end up having trauma
there.
196
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:52,000
So now from him, it's just just
a monstrous act from OK, he
197
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,760
continues.
What kind of complications did
198
00:12:55,760 --> 00:13:02,080
you have as a result of I was?
Scared to like, believe myself.
199
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:08,960
Does it hurt?
So you were unable to move your
200
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,800
valves?
Yeah, so bad.
201
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:24,000
Want to take a break?
Let's take a break later down
202
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:32,720
the line, maybe a year.
I guess your cousin talks about
203
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,560
what he had been doing to you
with a friend.
204
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,320
Talk to me about what happens
next.
205
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:45,920
Well, his friend, it was
actually my brother's friend, my
206
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,400
brother vouched for him to come
into the house and be a part of
207
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:55,600
our, you know, little family.
And my cousin, you know, they
208
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,840
all was like, it was just the
three of them and they all hung
209
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:01,720
out and stuff like that.
So he made him aware of what he
210
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,000
was doing, but it was only
because he was, he brought him
211
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:09,840
in to my room one night and I
woke up and I saw both of them
212
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,960
in my room and I told him, what
do you do?
213
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,600
Get out of my room and stuff
like that?
214
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:21,840
And at that time, I, I didn't
know if the conversation or
215
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,800
anything.
I just knew that he would do
216
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:30,040
little, you know, subtle things.
I I guess to say, you know, he
217
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,600
likes me or whatever, right?
Right.
218
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,240
Right, but.
He was older, right?
219
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,680
So I didn't.
How old was he?
220
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,240
17 as well.
Yeah, OK.
221
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:43,800
And you were at this time I.
Was 12/12 yes and he just made
222
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:49,160
like subtle hints.
OK, subtle hints, but never,
223
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,080
never was like touching you,
violating you or anything like
224
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:52,640
that.
No, I was.
225
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:59,200
Just like more so like kind of
coming coming down to my age
226
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,240
level mentality.
Yeah.
227
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,320
It's like doing little, you
know, like how they say like
228
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,600
offer boy likes you, he hits you
right, right, right.
229
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,680
You know, So it was like little
things like that, like, you
230
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,320
know, like, you know, say
something about my parents or.
231
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,800
Right.
Pick on you, Yeah.
232
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,360
When did you get home early from
school?
233
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,560
I got it was September.
It was in September.
234
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:28,680
It was like the beginning of the
school year and I got home on my
235
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:33,760
like my brother was supposed to
meet me and he he didn't.
236
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,320
So I walked.
I end up walking home from
237
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:40,400
school that day and I didn't
know anybody wasn't home.
238
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:45,000
So when I rung the doorbell,
instead of my brother not answer
239
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,560
the door was his friend who
answered and let me in.
240
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:54,240
And I'm getting undressed out of
my school clothes and, you know,
241
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:59,040
and going to settle down and get
ready, you know, do my homework
242
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,440
and stuff like that.
Before my grandmother, my mother
243
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:07,840
came home and he had came in my
room while I was getting
244
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:15,480
undressed.
And he had like not pushed, but
245
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:23,680
like, you know, guided me down
on the bed and he went and did
246
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:32,880
oral 1st and then that's when he
went and inserted and and it
247
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:37,800
was, it was painful and I told
him to stop and because it was
248
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:43,520
hurting.
And now he just kept going and I
249
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:48,400
never spoke about it or said
anything and to anybody because
250
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,400
it was more.
So I got to that point where it
251
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,560
was like, if, you know, my
grandmother doesn't didn't
252
00:16:54,560 --> 00:17:00,080
believe me when my cousin was,
you know, violating me, then
253
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,960
she's not going to believe this,
right?
254
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:08,680
So I just kept it to myself up
until I found out I was
255
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,720
pregnant.
Did your cousin ever penetrate
256
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,960
you vaginally?
No, just the aim.
257
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:31,440
And OK.
What happened when you first
258
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:37,520
told your grandmother about your
cousin penetrating you anally?
259
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:45,720
She told me that I was lying.
No repercussions.
260
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:51,440
No, she told me that I was lying
and she never even wondered why
261
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,200
I wouldn't sit down and eat.
And your cousin, I thought I.
262
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,040
Was being with those.
Right.
263
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,640
And your and your cousin stopped
coming back around after that.
264
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,560
So this incident happens now
with your cousin's friend or
265
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:12,800
your brother's friend rather.
He takes off after you stay at
266
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,480
home and you just kind of what's
going through your mind.
267
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:20,880
A 12 year old kid.
I kind of blocked it out.
268
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,440
I didn't just, you know, kind of
just happened.
269
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,600
You know, this thing just
happens.
270
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,880
You know, just you tell yourself
it happens.
271
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,840
You were kind of used to the
abuse.
272
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:39,360
Yeah, Especially because.
Well, when you get beat, not to
273
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,880
not tell the truth, you just
kind of you kind of just like
274
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,640
young like compartmentalize a
lot of things of.
275
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,720
Course, you kind of just.
Sit there because you have
276
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,560
important, you have other
things, you know, like at
277
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:58,520
school, so.
At what point do you realize
278
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:06,400
that you're pregnant?
Well, I didn't know 'cause I
279
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,960
know I wasn't even in a grade
where they were teaching about
280
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,160
and, you know, the anatomy or.
The body I didn't even.
281
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,480
Touch that, that subject.
So I knew nothing.
282
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,360
I didn't even know what a period
was.
283
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:26,240
So I couldn't even, I couldn't
even go and say, hey, there's
284
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:29,240
something different about my
body because I'm just thinking
285
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,560
like, you know, you're a kid,
you're growing, you're getting
286
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,160
fat at first, you know, it's
like, OK, I'm not eating
287
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,520
anything.
I'm not getting fat.
288
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,560
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that's where that came in
289
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,160
as.
Yeah.
290
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,920
You know, a lot of things ran
through my mind like, oh man,
291
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,560
you know, he could have tore
something.
292
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,440
Right, right.
Go to.
293
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,360
The doctor's or something, you
know, I just, there's a lot of
294
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,800
things.
At 12 years old, had you even
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00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,400
started your menstrual?
No.
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00:19:53,560 --> 00:20:02,680
You didn't.
Well, he impregnated me like in
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00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,200
the just like in the time frame
of when they were supposed to
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00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:12,000
start.
I like I just turned 12 so so it
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00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:19,400
didn't even start.
You told me you hadn't had a
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00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,200
period until you were 24 years
old.
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00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,480
Yeah.
How?
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00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:32,560
Well, with the doctors telling
me that, you know, my body kind
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00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:37,920
of going in a different
direction reverse almost like,
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00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:43,840
so consulting with like, you
know, my like medical team
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00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,600
people that I, you know, I
trusted, like, you know, you
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00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,640
kind of things are going to
start differently.
307
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,160
It's not going to start when you
need to.
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00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:57,360
So I think I was like, you know,
my body was going through like a
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00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:02,600
grown phase and it didn't know
how to just, it didn't know how
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00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,240
to get back in line.
He offset something, Yeah, yeah.
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00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:11,520
Mm hmm.
I've never heard anything like
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00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:16,800
this.
Well, just the lining.
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00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,560
Also, I was young so everything
stretched.
314
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:27,000
Hey, you, you, you told me about
all the things that your your
315
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,040
body had to sort of fast track.
Yeah.
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00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,880
To to to grow a baby.
To grow a baby.
317
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,200
Yeah.
And then after I gave birth,
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00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,920
that's what I had to kind of,
you know, take my medical series
319
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,480
as far as like steroid shots.
Steroid shots things can.
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00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,800
You know, just wrap it so that
things like in my body can
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00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,400
speed.
Up right.
322
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:00,800
OK, how do you find out that
you're pregnant again?
323
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,840
You said you were you.
You were wondering how you were
324
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,480
getting bigger, but you wasn't
eating.
325
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,120
You was like wondering what's
going on?
326
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,920
How do you actually find out
you're pregnant?
327
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:18,000
Actually, my 7th grade teacher
reached out to my caregiver and
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00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:22,160
just, you know, suggested that,
you know, I do that.
329
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:28,920
I get, you know, a visit like a
physical for school and stuff
330
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,960
like that.
And, you know, she was like
331
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,520
watching my like watching me
like play and I had rolled my
332
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,120
belly in a way or like we were
dancing with kids and stuff like
333
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:42,080
that.
And she saw a bulge, A bulge
334
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,760
like in like here in the, in the
May section area.
335
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,800
That was not normal and that's
what made her, you know, jump to
336
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,840
that conclusion that you need to
check her out and stuff like
337
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,720
that.
So once I left school that day,
338
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:07,560
my mom, my mom took me straight
to the clinic and I did a few
339
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,960
piss in the cup and stuff like
that, like they asked me to.
340
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,880
And then I sat in the waiting
room for a while and then they
341
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,000
called me back into the room.
And then they said to me that I
342
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,040
was pregnant and I was just
like, I what like.
343
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:31,560
As atrocious as the crime was,
is almost as fascinating as this
344
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,240
journey of pregnancy was as
well.
345
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,160
I.
Didn't experience it from start
346
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:42,800
to finish because I didn't know
right, but when I did find out
347
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,440
and they told me, there was even
more of a shock.
348
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,040
So you rolled the belly and your
baby hit back.
349
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:56,800
I'm here.
So and your teacher just said
350
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,160
that's not right?
Yeah, something.
351
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,880
'S not right, yeah.
That's not that's not the any.
352
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,320
Arms.
But my belly's like, like, what
353
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,520
is that?
Yeah, yeah, that's not your
354
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:10,360
lunch.
OK, OK, OK.
355
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:18,920
So in my mind, you go to you
gave birth in the hospital.
356
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,480
Yeah.
You're walking a 12 year old
357
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,560
through the hospital preparing
for labor.
358
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,160
Are people not looking like?
Well, I was actually going for
359
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,280
check UPS for the last two
months that I had.
360
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,560
I was like, it was really hard,
you know, with people staring
361
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:43,040
and wanting to know how old I am
and like you just looks like a
362
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,160
baby, you know, you get that all
the time and stuff like that.
363
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:52,360
But one thing that did kind of
make me feel, you know,
364
00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:57,400
comfortable the, the hospital
wasn't they, they were, they
365
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,120
were making sure that they kept
an eye on me and they threw me a
366
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,680
baby shower.
So that kind of made me excited.
367
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,160
What, you know, even though, you
know, you're 12 years old,
368
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,600
you're like, I'm expecting a
baby.
369
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:13,440
And it's like, no, so, but they
saw how like overwhelmed I was.
370
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:18,920
So my last doctor's visit they
threw me a baby shower and they
371
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,520
they furnished everything and
they brought everything like
372
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,080
clothes from infant to like when
it turned like 2 years old.
373
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:32,040
So how'd that make you feel?
Well, it made me feel supported
374
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:38,200
and that someone cares, right?
Right.
375
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,840
Yeah, so.
And they stayed in touch with
376
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,720
me.
Thanks for listening to No Tears
377
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,280
for Black Girls.
If you enjoyed our show, please
378
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,600
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379
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380
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382
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